Death Do us apart-or not
by gabbyromig
Summary: My writers brain got off her leash and this is what happened. Don't hate, I just wanted to see what you guys think of it: So Stef dies after being shot, and is now a ghost. Lena can see her, weird ghost story happens. Let me know if you want me to continue or nicely tell me if it sucks. Don't want to cry don't read. No happy ending
1. Chapter 1

**Don't hate me! I'm sorry if you don't like it.**

Prologue

Stef

I woke up and the first thing i saw was Lena asleep in a chair near a hospital bed. What happened to me? I sat up and a sound of a steady beeping noise as the machine went to a flat line. This has to be a dream right?

Lena woke up instantly at the sound and tears immediately came too her eyes.

"No" she said and nurses walked in. Well this can't be good. I looked down at my lifeless body and everything came back too me. I was shot!

Lena

My dad grabbed my hand to pull me back from my thoughts. It's been two days since Stef has died and i just don't know what to do. I know i need to be strong for the kids but it's just so hard. Before i always had Stef too have my back when it got tough, and i always had her too help me with the kids.

"You alright?" he asked but i know he doesn't really expect me to answer.

"Don't worry about anything, ok? Me and mom will figure out the funeral, and make sure the kids are ok." he said but i shook my head.

"No it's ok" i said but i'm so glad they are here for the help.

"Honey that why we are out" he said and I nodded.

"You can help me with the funeral but she was my wife and me and Sharon are going too be planning it together. I just need to, and their my kids I need too be here for them" I said and he nodded putting his arm around my shoulder.

"We are always here for you" he said and I leaned my head against his shoulder.

Stef

This ghost thing sucks. I can't even walk through walls, like what good is being dead if i can't walk though walls. I can't even scare people yet, what a rip off. No one can see me which is awful. For two days i haven't talked to anyone, or even been acknowledge. I just hate seeing my family grieve for me. I wish they knew i was here.

"Suppers going to be done soon" Lena said too Jude but he barely looked up.

"Jude, honey." she said sitting next to him.

"I miss her" Jude said and Lena put a hand over his.

"I do too, buddy. It's ok." she said.

"Do you believe in heaven?" he asked and Lena smiled at him.

"I guess so, do you?" she asked.

"Yeah i guess so" he said. Heaven? I'm not really interested in it, even if it were to exist. Then again, i didn't think ghost existed and here i am.

"Come on, it's time to eat" Lena said and Jude reluctantly followed her. I could have sworn Lena looked right at me, but i guess thats just wishful thinking.

Lena looked at my side of the bed and then sighed.

"You get annoyed when i hog the bed, i'm on my side now. What more do you want?" i asked jokingly. She stopped for a second in the middle of changing and then shook her head as if dismissing the crazy thought. She continued to change and then got into bed. Am i imagining this or is she really feeling me here.

I reached over and put my hand on her arm and she shivered pulling the covers over her and turning on her side so she was facing away from me.

"Fine ignore me" i joked turning on my side. She can really feel me here, i wonder if the kids can too.

Lena

I feel like i'm going crazy, i can feel her here. Yesterday in Judes room, i could see her out of the corner of my eye and then when i looked straight ahead she wasn't there. Is my mind playing tricks on me? Than in the room i swear for a quick second i heard her voice, and felt her touch my arm. I'm going crazy, obviously she's not here. She's dead.

I can't believe today is her funeral, i'm not ready for this. I went into Marianas and Callies room too make sure they are ok.  
>"Are you guys ok?" i asked and Callie nodded. I can tell she's lying.<p>

"Callie talk too me" i demanded.

"I'm fine i'm going to make sure Jude is ok?" Callie said leaving the room. She's going back to her old self. Being distant to protect herself and doing everything to protect Jude.

"She will be ok. I think she's thinking back on her birth moms funeral" Mariana said and thats what worries me. She's already lost one mom and now she lost another, she's been through too much.

"I know thats what worries me, how are you doing?" i said and she forced a smile at me.

"I just miss her" she said sadly.

"I do too." i admitted.

"How are you holding up?" she asked me and i forced a smile at her back.

"I'm alright. I just remind myself she's in a better place" i said and i hope thats true. Mariana nodded.

"Do you ever feel like she's still here?" she asked and it stopped me.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you ever feel like she's still with us. Like she's watching over us, or something" she asked and i smiled at her.

"All the time" i said putting my arm around her and kissing her head. Way too often actually. Maybe it's just a feeling, i'm still grieving it's normal.

I knocked on Brandons door and he told me i can come in.

"Hey don't you look handsome" i said and he just nodded.

"It's ok to miss her" i told him and he sighed.

"I just wish this didn't happen, i thought she was suppose too make it through?" he asked tears in his eyes.

"I wish it didn't happen to but you know they were not expecting the complication to happen." i said. At the last minute of surgery she took a turn for the worst and it took them forever to get her stabilized. She ended up dying an hour later because her heart had a bad reaction to the medicine. The doctors claim it's a freak incident and it rarely happens, which isn't very comforting.

"I know" he said.

"We are all going to get through this together, ok" i said and he nodded.

"Are you ok?" he asked and i forced a smile.

"I'm doing the best i can, i'm glad we are all here too handle this together as a family" i said and he smiled.

"Even though Gram is hard to deal with" he said and i laughed a little.

"Yes even through Gram is hard to deal with" i said. I know mom wouldn't be her normal self now not after this. I don't even have to worry about her and Sharon arguing because there is no way my mom would do anything to start an argument with her after she lost her daughter.

"Be down in five minutes" i said kissing his forehead. I went in and checked on Jude and Jesus and than we were all on our way to the funeral.

Stef

Attending my own funeral was never something I imagined doing. Funerals are depressing and I would rather not go. Besides it's not like anyone says anything bad at a funeral, even if you don't like the person.

I have too go too make sure my family is ok and you know make sure Lena put me in something good.

My mom was first in the front row and I can tell she's on the verge of tears. When I got the job as a cop she made me promise her that i will be safe and stay alive until i have great grandchildren and she's long dead. I tried, to stay alive. Did everything too be careful on the job to make it home too my family ok. I know every time I walked through the door it's a relief too Lena just too know I made it through the day.

Lena was sitting next to her and I can tell she's having trouble not crushing under the weight of it all. Too think three days ago we were having dinner with her horrible ex and I was thinking how lucky I was too have Lena. Than we fought over marriage, if I could redo it now I would have asked her to marry her right then and call my son and tell him to get his ass home.

Jude sat next too Lena with tears in his eyes, and Callie was looking guarded. This is the second mom they lost, and I can only imagine what they are going though. Jude held tightly onto Callies hand. Both Jesus and Brandon looked as if they have been crying before but have stopped now. Mariana is crying right now and holding Jesus' hand for support.

I hate seeing them like this, I wish they knew I was still here.

Halfway through the funeral Lena was up to speak and I watched as she looked right at me shocked. Did she just see me? She looked down trying to avoid looking at me as if she's trying to deny that I'm here. Again not very nice of her. I guess 'Death do us apart' really is how it works even if you're a ghost. I'm totally getting the third degree and all I did was die, which was completely out of my control. I mean she can't still be mad about the fight, right? I which I got too tell her I loved her.

"fine ignore me" I said and she looked back up at me then quickly looked at the kids.

"Most people know Stef as a tough cop, who doesn't let things get too her. But those people who have seen who she was once she was out of uniform would disagree whether she liked it or not…" she said and a couple of people laughed. I just groaned, she's suppose to be making me out to be a tough cop.

"She was so much more. She's the mother of our wonderful children who she loved very much. She would have done anything to protect us, and she ended up dying to protect our son. She was an amazing wife she always did whatever she could to make me happy, even if she messed up every once in a while…" she said with tears in her eyes and I laughed. Everyone once in a while? More like a lot.

"She was an amazing cop who dedicated her life to helping others. I couldn't count how many times she came home hurt from work but despite it she looked happy because she saved someones life. She was a hero" she said looking right at me. I know she can see me, this is like the third time we made eye contact.

After the funeral everyone was at the house and Lena was in the kitchen alone grabbing some food.

"I know you can see me" I said and she turned towards me.

"This isn't possible" she said in a hush voice.

"I know you make all my favorite foods and I can't eat any of it" I said and she shook her head.

"You're dead" she said sadly.  
>"I'm still here though" I said and she sighed.<p>

"Why?" she asked.

"Too make sure you guys are ok and I have yet to turn in my application too get into heaven I swear it's like 50 pages long" I joked.

"You can't be here" she said shaking her head and grabbing the food and walking away.

Lena

Well I just officially lost it. I just had a conversation with my dead wife, yeah not normal. She needs too move on whether she loves it or not.

**Crazy idea, my writers brain got off her leash and this happened. Anyways thought i would publish it too see if anyone thinks I should continue it or not. By the way don't hate me this is normally the type of stuff I censure out, but thought hell lets see what they think. Besides nothing like a ghost love story.**


	2. Chapter 2

Stef

Great I was just told to get out of my house, by my own wife. I didn't see that coming, than again I didn't see dying coming. I don't know where to go. Heaven? I haven't seen a light or anything nor have I been pulled to the underworld. Well not yet at least.

What am I suppose to do? I mean I can't just randomly go haunt another house, well I can but that never happens in movies. You never watch a ghost movie and the characters realize that the ghosts were killed in a house three blocks down. Besides I could be breaking some ghost etiquette by going into someone else's territory.

"I'm so sorry" Captain said hugging Lena.

"Thank you"

"She was such an amazing cop and friend, it's terrible…" she said trailing off.

"Well I'm sure she would love to hear that if she were still…" she said trailing off herself.

"I'm sure she is" Captain said even though I know for a fact she personally doesn't believe in ghost. Lena just smiled awkward.

"How are you guys holding up?" Stewart asked the kids.

"It's just… it was hard to see the funeral and know she's not coming back." Mariana said.

"I know I'm always here to talk to" he said and Mariana nodded.

"Why don't you go over and give your mom a hug she looks she needs one" he said and Mariana went over to hug Lena.

"Oh hey" Lena said hugging Mariana back.

"You ok?" she asked her.

"Yeah are you ok?" she asked still not letting go of her mom. I'm so glad they are there for each other right now. They need each other. Lenas eyes watered.

"Yeah I'm ok" she lied.

After it was done I checked in on all the kids. Mariana and Callie were reminiscing sadly and I listened to them for a while.

"No as a child we used to try and scare her when she got home from work and It would never work so one day she got out of the car a block from our house and knocked on the door and when mama answered they made it seem like it was like a telemarketer and then she came in and grabbed Jesus and he screamed so loud" Mariana said laughing a little bit at the memory. I remember that It was so funny how loud he screamed.

"So she's always been a prankster?" Callie asked.

"Oh definitely…" she said and went on talking about different stories of when i got them or there mom good.

I went into check on Jesus and Jude who were both sitting quietly. Jude looked through his magazines and Jesus was texting someone. I sighed hoping they will soon open up to each other and went into check on my oldest son.

He was sitting playing the piano with his headphones out and I sat on his bed listening to the music. Thinking back to listening to him when he was a kid and still learning and laughing at the memories.

Finally I went back to my own room hoping she's not serious about this moving on thing. She looked over at me and I sighed.

"Ok I know you told me to leave but I don't really know where to go but you are stuck with me so either deal with it or I will learn how to haunt this house" I joked.

"I didn't mean it in a mean way I just want you to move on" she said. Great that again.

"Don't know what to tell you" I said back crawling into bed and laying down.

"I'm so tired" I said yawning.

"You're a ghost" she said laughing.

"Oh thats discrimination, I can't be tired because i'm died" I said and she laughed.

"I will have you know that I have had a very busy day. I have attended my own funeral, made contact with the living…" I said gesturing towards Lena.

"...I have worked on being able to walk through walls… I almost got it" I said but i still have yet to have my hand go though.

"Worked towards it?" she asked as if it was an easy task.

"Oh if it's so easy I would like to see you do it." I said and she laughed.

"This isn't possible" she said.

"Yeah, you're alive" I pointed out and she shook her head.

"You're dead and you're still here" she said still trying to wrap her mind around it.

"Yeah I was shocked too" I said.

"How?" she asked as if I have talked to God and know the answers.

"I don't know… How can you see me? No one else can" I said and she didn't know the answer either.

"I have been asking myself the same question" she admitted.

"Have you always been able to do this?" I asked and she looked shocked. Guess not. I was just thinking she kept that from me for ten years.

"What no" she said.

"Weird" I said. "Well it's good three days without talking to people…" I said. That was awful not being too able to talk to people is the worst.

"Isn't their other ghosts?" she asked.

"I can't see them… why can you?" I asked looking around me and she shook her head.

"No just you" she said still whispering out of fear that the kids might hear. Yeah now's not the time for the kids too think their mom has lost it.

"Hmm… selective mediumism" I said and she rolled her eyes at my fake diagnosis.

"Anyways… i'm going to sleep have a long day of trying to walk though walls ahead of me" I said and she rolled her eyes.

"Good night" I said looking over at the lamp waiting for her to turn it off and it flickered. for me.

"Oh do you see that?" i asked happily.

"The old lightbulb starting to go, yeah i did" she teased and I groaned.

"Why must you ruin things for me" I joked and she laughed turning off the light.

Lena

I still can't grasp what's going on. How am I talking too her ghost? How could this be possible? It's Stef I know it is she hasn't lost her sense of humor or her cute childishness. She almost acts as if she doesn't understand the situation herself. She's dead and her family is grieving for her and she's trying to walk through walls. Doesn't she understand what happened?

"Aww man why must you make all the good food once I can't eat it" she whined and I ignored her. I can't talk with the kids around.

"It's weird eating without her" Jude commented and Callie wrapped her arm around him.

"Yeah weird mama didn't offer me any" she said and I bite my lip. What is her problem doesn't she know I can't talk too her with the kids here.

"What's wrong?" Jesus asked noticing my facial expression change.

"Nothing" I said shaking my head and continuing to eat. Stef headed upstairs clearly giving up. I think she's almost trying too make out a fake reality where everything is how it was before. Which isn't possible nor a healthy thing to do. I don't know how this ghost thing works but she needs to move on. She can't stay here pretending all is fine. It's not right for her or me and the kids. It's not like it will ever be the same again.

"You can't do that" I said once we were alone for a bit.

"Do what?" she asked shocked and confused. Her innocence wasn't faked she doesn't see any harm in what she's doing.

"Pretend everything is how it used too be" i said and she looked even more confused.  
>"What do you mean?" she asked clearly upset.<p>

"Stef, you died. Do you understand that?" I asked and she nodded.

"Yeah I'm not five" she said laughing.

"I really don't think you do. Honey things aren't going to be the same again ever" I said slowly. She had tears in her eyes.

"But I'm here, and you can see me and hear me. It can be the same" she said and I shook my head.

"It's not right for you too be here, you need to move on" I said and she looked like she could cry.

"Too were. I don't know where to go" she said and I felt bad.

"I don't know… but you can't act like everything is how it used to be. We still lost you even if you are still here. It's not fair to you or to us for you too still be here even though it's not the same" I said and I know i'm breaking her heart. I hate that I have to do this too her. Part of me want to go along with the belief too. Too live in the fantasy and hold her at night and have her be a parent too our kids still but it's not right. The kids can't see her first of all, so it's not fair to them who are trying to grieve. Besides it's just not the same and can't be.

"Oh right…" she said breaking my heart. "I'll find a way to go"

She said and I stopped her. She can't even walk through walls yet and she doesn't know where she's going. She will end up wandering the streets if I make her leave.

"If you don't know where you're going don't leave" I said and a voice stopped me.

"Mom who are you talking too?" Jude asked and I didn't know what to say. Oh you know you're dead mom?

"I wasn't…" I started to deny but he wasn't buying it.

"Were you talking too mom?" he asked innocently.

"Oh um…" I said normally i'm good with words but this is not one of those situations.

"Can you see her?" He asked and I just stood there unsure of what to say next.

**Thanks for all the reviews on the first chapter I was nervous you guys would hate it. I'm glad you like it and hope you like this chapter too. Let me know what you want to happen next.**


	3. Chapter 3

Stef

I still can't believe what Lena said to me. She said that we can't be together, that I can't be a part of this family anymore. I understand that the kids can't see me and people might think it's weird but we could figure it out some way. We could keep it a secret and let the kids know I'm here. It doesn't need to be the end of everything. Sure it will be a little different but i'm still me.

Why doesn't she get that?

Right after she told me not to leave until I know where I'm going, which will be never, Jude walked behind her. She froze knowing she was caught talking to me.

"Can you see her?" he asked shocked. He didn't look like he thinks that his mama has lost which is good.

"Uh…" she said at a lost for words. The woman I loved who seemed to always know what to say was stumped.

"You can see mom?" he asked and she didn't know what to say. I know she hates lying to her kids but sometimes it's necessary and she's trying too think of if this is one of those times.

"It's ok, I don't think you are crazy" he said as if sensing why she was hesitating.

"Uh… yeah" she said but she said the last word so low I think she might have just mouthed it.

"Where is she?" he asked and stood next to him.

"Right next to you" she said in a whisper pointing at me. He looked over at me.

"What does she say to you?" he asked.

"Well she's still the same old Stef thats for sure…" she said.

"What does that mean?" I asked fake insulted and she shook her head.

"She's telling me she's trying to walk through walls and it's not really working for her." she said laughing a bit and I crossed my arm.

"Oh that would be funny too see" he said.

Jude

I knew she was still here, she just had to be. She's too stubborn to leave us, and she promised not too.

"So are we telling everyone else?" I asked wanting everything to go back too the way it was but know it's a little ridiculous to believe that could work.

"I don't know about that, honey" She said.

"Why not?"

"Honey we all need to move on, including your mom" she said sadly. She's not going to make mom leave, will she?  
>"I don't want her to leave" I admitted and started to go upstairs.<p>

"Neither do I" I heard her say as I left.

Lena

Great now Jude knows she's here this is going to make this complicated..

"I'll leave you alone if you want but i'm not leaving my kids" Stef said pulling me from my thoughts. I hate how she said 'I'll leave you alone if you want' as if she believes i 'want' her to go.

"This isn't healthy for the kids and you know it. They are grieving and they shouldn't have things be shaken up again. They have dealt with enough" I said and she got mad.

"You think I don't know that? I have spent the last couple of days checking on you and the kids. You guys are everything too me and i would do anything for you guys…" she said almost defensively.

"I know that. I don't want you too think that I want you to leave, we just can't live in a false paradise where everything is ok" I said and she sighed tears in her eyes.

"I miss you guys" she said and it brought tears to my eyes.

"I miss you too, we all do" I said wanting to hug and kiss her so bad. It's just going to make it harder through when she has to leave.

I feel like she has came to terms with her own death yet. She's joked about it a lot even for her. She's losing all of us and she's doing it alone. I think it's too much for her to take in right now, so typical Stef just jokes about it. Makes it into a big joke so it seems less scary but I know her. I know on the inside it's killing her (that was a bad pun).

"Stef… are you ok?" I asked knowing she could break down any second.

"I don't want to lose you and the kids" she said sounding like she could cry. I hate that I had to take away her fantasy that she was holding on too.

"I know but things aren't going to be the same" I said and she blinked away the tears.

"Stef I'm sorry" I said feeling terrible.

"I'm not leaving my kids" she said walking upstairs. She's not going to leave, I know her. Especially after Jude said he didn't want her to leave, she will never abandon them dead or alive. What am I going to do now?

I went upstairs and laid on the bed feeling myself collapsing under the weight of it all. Before I knew it I was crying too the point that I could barely breathe. I miss her so much. I wish we could live in the false paradise, I wish it could be that easy.

Stef

I knew Lena wouldn't back down on her claim, she thinks this is bad for the kids. I can see where she's coming from, but it's not like everything is great how it is. I checked on all the kids and could hear Lena crying. I walked over to our bedroom and stood in the doorway. I would love to go in and comfort her but I know she doesn't want me too.

I turned around and went downstairs sitting on the couch. Without realizing it I started crying myself.

'I know but things aren't going to be the same' her words repeated in my ears. She's right of course but I don't want to leave them. My wife and kids need me and I need them.

I'm terrified of wandering the world by myself. It scares me too even think of not having a house to go home too, a family too spend the nights with. Past this house it's just a bunch of nothing. No one too talk too, just living where you can't talk to anyone. Like living in a mute world but watching a tv with sound. I would just be watching everyone else interact with one another. Talk about hell.

I'll do it if everyone in this house honestly wants me to leave but until than she's stuck with me.

Jude

I got Mariana too play the ouija board with me. She's here so why not talk too her.

"Jude are you sure about this?" she asked still a little hesitantly.

"What are you scared?" I teased and she rolled her eyes.

"What if we get someone other than mom" she asked and i didn't even think of that.

"We won' watch too many scary movie" I said and she shook her head.

"I don't really." she said.

"Well this house can't be that old, we are fine." I said putting my fingers on the piece and she hesitantly did the same.

"If there's someone here make yourself known" I said but the piece didn't move.

"I just want to talk to you" I said desperately. I just want too talk too mom.

Stef

Ouija board? I didn't even know we had one of those. Should I answer this? I looked at Judes desperate face and sighed putting my fingers down on the piece. I moved the piece too H and then I not sure what else to say.

"This isn't funny are you doing that?" Mariana accused her brother.

"No i'm not" he denied but Mariana didn't seem too believe him.

"You are moving it" She said tears in her eyes.

"I'm not." he said. I felt my normal parent side of me come out. I move the piece to write out the phrase 'stop accusing your brother' Mariana looked shocked.

"I told you I'm not moving it" he said tears in his eyes.

"Is that really you, mom?" Mariana asked looking sad and relieved that Judes not just pretending to be me.

I moved the piece too yes.

"I miss you" she said.

'I miss you too, Miss thing' I spelled out hoping to try and make it more believable that it's me and not another ghost pretending to be me.

"Are you ok?" Jude asked his eyes so filled with emotion it made me tear up again. Jude has always been such a sweetheart and he has been through too much.

'Yes' I said and then moved the piece to spell out 'don't worry about me'.

"Can mama really talk to you?" Jude asked and I sighed. Great might as well tell the family.

"What?" Mariana said shocked.

'Yes' I wrote and she looked even more shocked.

"Wait mom can see you?" she asked surprised.

'Yes she can' I wrote and she looked over at Jude.

"How did you know this?" she asked him.

"I walked in on them talking." he said.

"How?" she asked confused and Jude shrugged.

'Who knows' I wrote.

"I have had enough of this" she said too Jude who sighed. He pushed the piece too the word 'good bye' and grabbed the board and left her room.

I walked into our room too warn Lena that Mariana knows now. Apparently a secret can't be kept for long in this house.

"I'm sorry but Mariana knows" I warned her and she looks shocked.

"How?" she asked.

"I just talked to her" I said confusing her more.

"Though the ouija board" I clarified and she didn't look happy.

"A ouija board?" she asked.

"It was their idea" I offered and she sighed.

"And you answered?" she asked. She really doesn't want me too talk too people.

"Yeah Jude really wanted to talk to me." I explained as Mariana knocked on the door and she sighed.

"Come in" she said.

"Can you really see mom?" she asked making it obvious she's been crying.

"Yes, can we please not use the ouija board" she said proving that I have told her.

"You didn't tell us" she said sounding mad.

"Mariana" she said.

"She's our mom, we have a right to know she's still here" She screamed and the rest of the kids came out of their bedrooms looking shocked. Well at least it gets it over with. Guess kicking me out silently isn't going to work for her.

**Hope you like it. Please keep in mind a lot of this chapter was from Stefs pov and she's a little mad at Lena. Lena has reasons for what she was trying to do. Let me know what you think. **


	4. Chapter 4

Lena

All the kids know now, now what am I suppose to do. I looked around and saw the confused looks on all but two of my kids. Mariana is mad at me and Jude just looked shocked his sister shouted it for the house too hear. Well guess it's time for a family meeting.

"Family meeting downstairs" I said even though I'm sure they knew it would happen.

"We all went downstairs no one saying anything too anyone else until we got to the living room. Stef sat down in her normal seat waiting to see what will happen next.

"Ok so I guess it's not a secret anymore…" I started not sure what to say.

"What is this about mom being here?" Brandon asked confused not sounding like he believed a word of it.

"The day of her funeral I saw her…" I said hesitantly as he looked at me like I lost it. Can't blame him if it wasn't for seeing her personally than i wouldn't believe it either.

"Saw her?"

"Yes she's here" Jude said and Callie looked down at him and sighed.

"Jude, honey…" she said skeptically herself.

"You don't believe us than lets play with the ouija board again…" Mariana said but both me and Brandon interrupted her.

"No we aren't play with that anymore" I said not liking the idea of the board.

"You gotta be kidding me?" Brandon said tears in his eyes as he stood up looking mad.

"A Ouija board? Really. Mom is dead and you guys are making a joke out of it" He screamed going up to his room and we heard him slam the door.

"Brandon" I screamed up too him.

"I'll check on him" Stef said too me going after him.

"Ok Jesus and Callie thanks for not running off. I'm not asking you guys too believe me but clearly it's time for everyone to hear about it." I said and neither of them said anything.

"You really believe she's here?" Callie asked but not in a mean way.

"Trust me i wouldn't believe it either if i haven't seen her with my own two eyes." I said but i'm not convinced either of them believe me.

"Jesus?" I asked wanting to know what he is thinking.

"I don't know if i believe this or not" he said and I nodded.

"It's ok…"

"She's here through. She will prove it" Mariana said.

"Well than why doesn't she do something to prove it" he said as if challenging her.

"She's upstairs with your brother. Challenge her to scare you later." I said and he nodded.

Stef

I went up after my son who just left the family meeting. We have talked and talked too our kids about not walking away especially when we are having a family meeting but I can understand why. Too him he thinks this is a cruel joke and he is the only one that gets that I'm dead.

He laid on the bed tears in his eyes and I can tell he's pissed.

"Honey you shouldn't walk away" I said to him even though I know he can't hear me.

I looked over and walked over to the piano and turned it on. When he was in the sixth grade he taught me how to play 'Mary Had A Little Lamb' because it was the easiest thing he could think of. I played it and i can tell I messed it up. He looked over at the piano shocked. He got up and sat down and played it right as if correcting me. I repeated it right and he looked even more shocked. He turned the piano off and sat on the bed tears in his eyes. I know he's going to believe his mom and siblings after that. I'll let him have some time to wrap his head around as I saw that the rest of the family was coming back upstairs. I know Jesus and Callie don't believe I'm here, this should be fun.

I went in after Lena and she sighed tears in her eyes.

"Brandon will be fine, how did it go?" I asked her knowing that family meeting was emotional for all involved.

"I don't know yet, I'm going to go talk to Brandon" she said and I nodded.

Brandon

There's no way that just happened, but what else could it be. The piano may play music by itself a button is pushed but it's just a recording and the keys don't move with it. Besides someone would have to push the button. It was also the one song I taught her to play when I was in sixth grade and she messed it up, what piano does that. How could she be here?

I heard a knock on the door and I jumped a bit. I can tell it's just mama.

"Come in" I said and she came in and sat down on the bed with me looking at the picture of me at seven years old and mom and mama.

"We miss her too" she said wiping a tear away from her cheek. "And we aren't just making it a joke"

"I know" I said and she smiled looking at the picture.

"She played Mary had a little lamb wrong again" I said and she looked at me confused.

"She played it for me but she messed up" I said and she laughed.

"I'm not surprised. It's a mystery where you got your musical gift from" she said laughing a bit and I laughed with her.

"Did she ever get it right?" she asked and I laughed.

"Yeah eventually but it's not exactly a symphony" I joked and she laughed.

"Yeah well at least she tried to remember it" She said and I nodded.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you guys" I said feeling terrible.

"It's ok but you don't walk away ok" she said and I nodded.

"Sorry"

"It's ok now it's a matter of convincing Callie and Jesus I think mom is going to have fun with it" she said and I laughed glad she didn't decide to go haunted house on me.

"Oh thats going too be funny" I said and she laughed agreeing with me.

"Good night" She said.

"Good night" I said back.

Stef

I decided I will go all ghost movie on them and drive them crazy first. When they went to sleep I picked up Jesus' skateboard and leaned up against his bed and not the wall. I'm going to make them think they are going crazy. If I can't walk though walls at least I can creep them out this way.

I did the same with Callie moving her camera across the room. This is going to be the best prank, too bad I had to die too do it.

"Jude did you move my skateboard?" Jesus asked his brother who smiled innocently.

"No remember you challenged mom" he said laughing to himself.

"Oh right sure it's mom" he said sarcastically and I laughed.

"If it's mom prove it" he challenged and I laughed.

"Oh i'm not gonna do it when you are expecting it" I said laughing. I went into Callie's room and saw a similar scene.

"I have too give it too you Mariana you really are sneaky about it" Callie said picking up her camera and putting it back where it belongs.

"I'm not doing anything" she denied and Callie laughed.

"Oh ok, I will play along. Lets see how good 'mom' can haunt me" she said and Mariana laughed.

"Yes lets see" She said knowingly.

At school Callie reached into her locker to get one of her book's and pulled out a note that I wrote imitating Mariana imitating my handwriting saying, 'Game on'. She laughed and shook her head.

"Oh now i'm scared" Callie said jokingly.

Jesus being a lover of sneak watching scary movies got a similar note made to look like it was from Jude, who caught him watching Saw, saying 'Lets play a game'. I have to say I'm having way too much fun with this.

He shook his head and shoved it back in his bookbag.

"I got you're not Jude" he said at the supper table.

"I didn't write you a note" he said and he rolled his eyes.

"Sure you didn't Jude. You and Mariana are having a good kick out of this aren't you" Callie accused and Lena looked over at me shaking her head knowingly.

"I wish we could take credit for it but mom got too it first" Mariana said laughing.

"Alright than lets continue to play i will catch you eventually" Callie said and Jesus agreed.

"Fine lets play" she said smiling evilly following her moms glare knowing i'm here. Her and Jude both know I can't resist the urge to prank them good and that i won't let them down. They are in for a good scare.

**Ok this story is becoming a comedy. Let me know if you think the pace is too fast. I'm enjoying writing this too much.**


	5. Chapter 5

Lena

I looked over at Stef and she smiled at me.

"I'm not going to disappear my love" she said and I laughed.

"I haven't learned how to do that yet" she said and I rolled my eyes.

"I still just can't believe you are here too prank the kids" I said and she laughed.

"Yes this is going to be fun, there are going to be so scared when I'm done with them" she said and I glared at her.

"Stefanie!" I said and she gave me an innocent smile.  
>"What I'm not the one that challenge the ghost too a prank war, thats a really bad mistake" she said and I rolled my eyes.<p>

"Take it easy on them, we don't them too feel like they are in an actual haunted house" I said and she looked shocked.

"Oh I see how it is this isn't a real haunted house? Am I not a real enough ghost for you?" she asked mock offensively.

"You know what I mean" I said and she shook her head.

"I'll keep it mind" she said and I rolled my eyes.

"Will you stop, we need to talk" I said and she nodded. I'm sure she knew this was coming. So much has happened recently and we haven't had time to really talk about it.

"Alright" she said sitting on the bed.

"We still haven't talked about what happened before you went too get Jesus." I said not wanting to say before you were shot.

"I'm sorry about that" she said as if it's her fault she got shot.

"Honey you couldn't help that you got shot" I said and she nodded.

"I'm sorry I got mad at you and left without saying i love you" she said sounding like she feels really bad about it.

"Babe you were in a hurry to get Jesus, and I should have told you I wanted to get married" I said but she still looks like she blames herself.

"I should have known" she said and I shook my head.

"Honey you can't read minds." I told her not wanting her to blame herself for something that is my fault. I should have told her.

"I should have known that you would want a marriage...I never got to give that too you" she said sounding upset.  
>"It's ok, babe. None of this is your fault." I said.<p>

"If I could go back too that day I would call Jesus and tell him to get his butt home and propose to you right then" she said I can tell she was a hundred percent honest. I leaned forward and kissed her for the first time since she's died.

"I love you" she said and tears came to my eyes.

"I love you too" I said and she wiped the tear away.

"Hey what's wrong?" she asked and I looked down.

"I just missed you so much" I said and she hugged me.

"You don't need too miss me I'm right here" she said kissing my head. "And we will figure everything out together from here"  
>"I don't know if this is a good idea" I said and she sighed.<p>

"Why because I'm dead" she said sarcastically as if thats not a reason to be uncertain of this.  
>"Yes because you're dead" I said and she sighed.<p>

"It's ok, discriminate against us." she said and I rolled my eyes.

"Really Stef? You know what I mean" I said and she nodded.

"Lena the kids already know, and I will have Jesus and Callie a believer soon trust me…" she said and I glared at her.  
>"What? They challenged me" she said defending herself like a child would point at their sibling and say 'but mommy he started it'.<p>

"Stef…" I said and she stopped.

"No but seriously do you really think it will go over well if you try to kick me out" she said and I groaned.  
>"I didn't kick you out and you didn't really listen did you" I said and she rolled her eyes.<br>"Oh admit it you wanted me gone" she said and I shook my head.

"You leaving was the last thing I wanted but I was and still don't know if you hanging around here is a good idea" I explained.

"What's wrong with it?" she asked as if she honestly couldn't find anything wrong with it.

"Well for one I'm the only one that can see you. How is this a healthy interaction with their mom for the kids" I pointed and she sighed.

"We will make it work, you can hear me" she said.

"It's not going to be the same, especially not for the kids and it's not fair for them." I argued.

"I get that but they want me here." she argued back.

"I know they do but they want junk food too it doesn't mean it's good for them." I said and she sighed.

"Please don't compare me too junk food. How do you honestly think you are going to send me away with the kids getting pissy" she said and I sighed.

"First of all, It's not my job as a mom too do what they want but too do what's best for them. They need to understand that this isn't a solution. That we can't go on pretending that you are still alive, thats just not healthy. We all need to move on, including you. I'm sorry babe but this isn't right." I said and she had tears in her eyes.

"Fine than tell them I left. What's that going too look like? Another mom to abandon the twins and someone else that gave up on Callie and Jude. Brandon first parent to abandon him. I'm not leaving them." she said and I sighed. Somehow I'm always the bad person, I just don't know what to do.

I went too talk too Mariana because I know she's still mad at me for not telling her and I haven't had the chance to talk to her.

"Hey can we talk?" I asked and she nodded.

"Sure" she said.

"I never should have kept seeing Stef from you and your siblings" I said and she nodded.

"I just don't know what I'm doing, ok. I don't know what's right too do. I'm trying to do what's best for you and your siblings but I don't know what's best right now. I'm sorry I kept that from you, that wasn't right. This isn't exactly a situation that has 'how to for dummies' or anything" I said and she smiled.

"I know can't blame you, half of us didn't believe you anyways. I didn't until mom started yelling at me though the board for blaming him for moving the piece" she said and I laughed.

"I'm not surprised she would take her maternal instincts too the afterlife with her." I said and she smiled.

"What's gonna happen from here?" she asked and I wish I had the answers.

"I don't know yet too be honest" I said and she nodded.

"Does mom want to stay?" she asked and I could see the doubt in her eyes. Stef was right if she left it would be abandoning our kids.

"No she's insisting on staying" I explained and smiled relieved.

"Is she here?" she asked and I shook my head.

"Not right now." I said and she looked disappointed.

"I wanted to talk to her. Can we please use the ouija board? Mom will keep us safe from any other ghost in this house. We just want too talk too her" she said and I felt bad.

"I will think about it." I said still torn. I don't know what to do with any of this. It's not going to be the same and I shouldn't make an Illusion for them because that won't help matters but at the same time that could be like her abandoning them.

Sharon

I was on the phone with Brandon wanting to call and check on all of my grandkids and of course my daughter in law since I unfortunately had to leave the day after her funeral. I hated leaving my family because I need them right now and they need me. I still can't believe this happened. I was never suppose to attend my own daughters funeral she was suppose to be at mine.

"Is everyone ok?" I asked him wishing I could be their with them. Sure my friends been here for me but it's nothing compared to being with my family.

"Everyone is trying to cope. It's still so hard to believe." he said and I know what he means. It's still hard to really believe that I will not see my daughter again until I die myself.

"I know it's terrible, I just keep telling myself that she's in a better place" I said and the other side of the phone was silent.

"You ok?" I asked.

"She's still here" he said in a whisper shocking me. I don't even think he knew he said it.

"What?" I asked surprised.

"She's still here, mama can see her" he said and I tried to make sense of it. She's still here? How can Lena see her? None of this made sense.

Mariana

I watched as Mama left the familiar feeling of guilt gripping my stomach. The only reason that Mom died was because I was stupid and got into contact with my birth mom. I'm the reason she's dead. I made a mistake and unlike most people it cost my mom her life. I need too talk too her.

I got out the ouija board even though I know I need two people to play. I need too talk tom mom alone, besides Jesus who would be the only one I would consider doing it with doesn't believe she's here.

I put the fingers on the piece.

"Mom?" I asked and waited but the piece remained still.

"Mom please I need too talk too you." I said tears in my eyes.

"I'm sorry, this is all my fault." I said and watched as the piece remained at the middle of the board. I picked it up and put it back in my closet and went downstairs.

She died because of me no wonder she doesn't want too talk too me. I grabbed Jesus' pills and looked at the bottle. I went to pour some in my hand but they were taken away from me. I watched as the bottle was put back into the basket it's normally in.

"What's wrong with you"

**Sorry I feel like this sucks. Ok am I writing this right? I feel like I'm not. Let me know what you think because if i'm not I might rewrite it from the beginning. I just feel like i'm writing it wrong. If not let me know how you think stopped Mariana and what will happen next. **


	6. Chapter 6

Mariana

"What's wrong with you" Brandon asked looking at me shocked. I stood there frozen unsure of what too say.

"I uh…" I said trailing off at the lack of knowing what to say. I wiped the tears away hoping he didn't notice that.

"You weren't going to take them where you" he asked and I tried to think of what too say.I'm not going to tell him the truth.

"I uh… thought i would… take one. I have a huge test…" I mumbled trying my best to sound convincing.

"We haven't even gone back to school yet" he argued.

"I know… when I get back… i'm not doing good. I'm afraid I will fail" I argued and he sighed.

"Mariana" he said.

"Don't tell mama" I begged of him. I don't know how well I would be able to lie too her.

"I won't take them if you don't tell" I promised and he sighed.

"Fine… are you ok?" he asked giving me that looking telling me he doesn't really believe me.

"Yeah just stressed" I said and he nodded.

"Don't steal more of his pills, it was bad enough the first time" he said and I swallowed the lump in my throat. The first time I stole his pills too sell them too get money for Ana how could I have been so stupid.

"I won't, sorry" I said and practically ran upstairs.

Brandon

I can't believe what I just saw. Did I really just see my sister going to overdose on Jesus medicine? I don't really believe she was going to take one to study better she was obviously lying. She was really going to attempt suicide?

I know I promised not too tell mama but how can I even think she was going to do that and not say something. What if she where to try again?

I knocked on her door and heard her tell me too come in. I can tell from her voice she's been crying. So much has happened lately and I hate to throw more at her but I can't risk Marianas life on it.

"What's up" she said forcing a smile.

"Um I have to tell you something" I said closing the door and I can tell she knows it's serious.

"Ok is everything alright?" she asked.

"I just saw Mariana go too take some of Jesus' pills, I stopped her…" I started and she looked shocked.

"...I think she was going to take them too…" I said and didn't know how to say it.

"Wait what?" she said.

"I think she was gonna overdose" I said in a whisper.

"I texted Callie telling her to keep Mariana in her sight" I said and she sighed.  
>"Thanks for telling me, I need too talk too you're sister" She said leaving the room. I left too. What is happening too my family?<p>

Lena

Oh my god, what is happening? Did Brandon just tell me he thinks he saw Mariana going to commit suicide?

"Mariana can I talk to you?" I asked trying to sound calm.

"Uh sure…" she said looking scared.

"Lets go too my room" I said and Callie looked at the scene confused. She got a random text from Brandon asking her to keep an eye on her sister and then I come in and ask Mariana too talk probably looking like a wreck. Not too mention that Mariana looks scared, she has to be confused.

I lead her to my room and told her to shut the door.

"Mariana, Brandon told me that you went too take some of Jesus' pills" I said trying too not sound accusing.

"Just too study" She said and I can tell immediately she was lying. She kept looking at her hands and wasn't making eye contact.

"Mariana you can tell me if you were going to take them for another reason" I said about she didn't look at me.

"I wasn't" she said but i'm not buying it.

"Mariana what's going on. You can always come talk to me" I said pushing her head up with my thumb so she would look at me.

"Why haven't you sent me away?" she asked in a whisper and It broke my heart.

"What? honey why would we every send you away" I asked and she looked down.

"Mom wouldn't be dead if it weren't for me" she said shocking me. She's blaming herself? I suddenly felt a rush of guilt as I remember not being able to forgive them after Stef was shot. Did I put these thoughts in her head.

"What? Honey thats not true. Mom's dying is not your fault…" I said but she shook her head.

"I stole Jesus' pills and sold them to get money for Ana and then Jesus went to meet her and thats why mom left that day. Thats why she was shot." she said and I shook my head.  
>"Honey mom getting shot is terrible, but it is not your fault and no one thinks it is. You couldn't have known what would have happened. You wanted too know you're birth mother and there's nothing wrong with that. I mean you went about it wrong…" I said and she giggled sadly.<p>

"...It doesn't mean this is your fault." I said whipping the tear away from her cheek.

"I wanted to talk too mom so I used the ouija board but she didn't answer. Do you think she's mad at me?" she asked and I immediately shook my head.

"Absolutely not. She probably didn't know that you wanted to talk to her" I said and just on time Stef walked in. I don't think she noticed that she walked through the door because she was worried by the sight of her daughter.

"What's going on?" she asked worried. I don't know where she went but she's right she's needed in this house or everyone is going to fall apart, more so than even she knows.

"Do you want too talk too her?" I asked Mariana who nodded.  
>"Yeah can we use the ouija board so i know it's really her" she said and I decided to let it go for now that she just told me she doesn't trust me a bit. Oh well I would probably say what Stef would say if she wasn't here so I can't blame her.<p>

Callie

Ok what is going on? I get a text from Brandon telling me to keep Mariana in my sight while she is looking really upset herself. Than mama comes in and asks her to come talk to her, mama looking upset herself and Mariana looked terrified. Than after all that Mariana came back in looking a little relieved but obviously crying and grabbed the ouija board. What?

"What's going on?" I asked and she stopped before going back into mamas room.

"Nothing mom just agreed to try and get in touch with mom with me." She said and I looked shocked.

"Ok? I thought she supposedly can talk to her herself" I pointed out still not buying this ghost thing.

"She can but I don't want to go though her, I want too be sure it's what mom is saying" she said and went to leave.

"Ok?" I said shaking my head having no idea what is going on.

Stef

I went back into my room too see Lena and Mariana talking and Mariana looking very upset what's going on?

"What…?" I started to ask but I was interrupted.

"Mariana went too overdose on Jesus' pills" she said shocking me.

"What… wait what? Why?" I asked trying to make sense of it. Why would she try to commit suicide, sure everything is crazy right now but nothing worth killing yourself over. She can't honest want to die can she?

"She thinks you dying is her fault" she said and then before I could even react Mariana came back in with the board. Guess this is going to be a long conversation. She set up the board and I put my fingers on the piece along with Lena and Mariana.

"Ok… are you here mom" she said and I moved the piece too yes.

"I'm sorry" she said sounding like she feels guilty.

'This isn't your fault' I wrote out.

"This isn't you right" Mariana said and Lena shook her head.

"I swear i'm not, she's sitting right next to you" Lena said.

"Ok… um…" she started and i need too talk too her not just answer her questions.

'Why did you go too take Jesus' pills?' I wrote out and she sighed.

"I'm the reason you died" she said and I immediately moved the piece too no.

"If it wasn't for me getting in touch with Ana… god I'm so stupid" she said. I moved the piece too no.

Than wrote, 'you're not stupid. You can't blame yourself'

"You're not mad at me?" she asked.

'No of course not' I wrote out. 'Mariana you can't do that again, ok?'

She nodded.

'You go too mom or one of your siblings or really anyone you trust if you feel bad' I wrote abbreviating the words so it won't take forever. She nodded.

" I know" she said.

"You can always come too me and I know that you can always go too you're siblings." Lena said.

'I love you' I wrote.

"I love you to and I'm sorry that I tried to take Jesus' pills" she said.

"It's ok you can use the ouija board but don't play by yourself" Lena said and she nodded getting up and grabbing the board.

"Thank you, I love you" she said too Lena.

"What are we going to do" I asked Lena.

"I don't know but you aren't leaving thats for sure" Lena said back.

**Thanks for reviewing and all the nice comments, hope you like this chapter.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A week later**

Lena

The next week went by in a dream like fog. Sharon called the day after the Mariana situation went down because Brandon told her that I now possess the magical ability to talk to her daughter and she gave me a long interview on her how she's doing now. I know it's a relief for her too know that Stef is a ghost but I don't think she's too thrilled that she's still here. She wanted her to move on too, but when she heard what happened with Mariana she agreed nows not the time.

Mariana has been kept under watch, even though I hate to make her feel like we are suffocating her, I'm too afraid she might try again. She seems ok, but I can't tell if it's an act.

Stef has continued to torment and taunt Callie and Jesus but they are still refusing to accept that ghosts exist. Stef has also majorly strengthen her ghost abilities so they are in for a scare. Stef left them notes today, in an attempt to scare them, claiming today is the day all hell breaks loose. She's having too much fun with this.

Callie

I started working on the project and the wifi was being sucky and kept stopping on me.

"Just work" I said annoyed that I couldn't work on this project and it's due tomorrow. All the sudden my screen left the google document and went to my pictures. It scrolled through the pictures and stopped on one of me and my family before mom passed away.

"Very funny" I said annoyed going back to the document. There was a knock on the door and i told whoever it is too come in but no one entered.

"Very funny guys" I yelled at which one of my siblings is having fun pranking me. I continued to work on the project and the door opened wide.

"Stop it" I yelled annoyed and Jesus burst into laughter.

"You're too much fun" he said and I rolled my eyes.

"Will you stop I'm trying to get my project done" I said and he laughed.

"Don't worry when mom haunts you she won't do anything too delete the project since she's worried about your grades" he teased and I groaned.

"Tonight's the night all hell breaks loose" he joked.

"Yes because I'm scared of mom, she's not even here. I think you are the one who should be scared." I said and he rolled his eyes.

"Even if she is here, I can handle what ever she throws at me." he said.

"Uh huh I just hope she goes easy on you it would be a shame for you too get so scared and never be able to live it down." I said and he shook his head.

"Besides I wasn't the one that challenged her" I said and Lena interrupted us.

"Will you too stop" she said and we both stopped.

"Mom will get both of you" she said laughing.

"I'm not afraid of her…" Jesus claimed and Lena laughed.

"You should be" she said and went downstairs to start supper. I went in and finished the rest of my project.

"Kids time for supper" Lena called up to us. We all went downstairs and sat down for supper.

"Mom is being really scary" Jesus joked and I laughed.

"Oh please you are definitely afraid." Jude said. "Did mom really send you a letter saying tonight is the night all hell breaks loose?"

"No you and Mariana did" he said accusingly.

"Sure whatever you want to tell yourself." he said and Mariana laughed.

"Mom can we film it?" Mariana asked her and she rolled her eyes.

"Mariana? I already have it covered" she said and I rolled my eyes.

"You guys having fun" I asked and they all laughed.

"I can't wait to hear Jesus scream like a girl" Brandon teased and Jesus rolled his eyes.

"I'm not going to scream. How good can she possibly do if according to you guys she can't even walk through walls yet?" He said sounding almost like he is trying to convince himself.

"Oh no she did last week no worries she got it covered." Mama said and he rolled his eyes. I reached over and grabbed him and he jumped. We all laughed.

"Yeah someone is not afraid" I joked with him and he rolled his eyes.

"Shut up I'm not." he said and his plate was picked up and moved away from him.

"Oh real funny" he said but we can tell he's freaked out. Ok how did they manage to do that? He grabbed the plate and went to eat but the plate moved away from him. Ok maybe they aren't just messing with us.

"Guess mom wants to steal your food" Mariana said.

"Believe us now?" Jude asked and Lena laughed.

"Alright what ever just give me my food" he said and I laughed. The plate moved back towards him.

"Thank you" he said annoyed.

Lena

It's so funny watching Stef prank them. It has to be weird to see when you can't see her. The plate just moving and picking itself up, yeah explain that one. I watched as Stef who is laughing so hard picked up a forkful of Callies mac and cheese. Callie not being scared grabbed the fork from her and looking in her direction told her to get her own. I laughed so hard as I watched Stef pull over a stool and then filling a glass of water and then made herself a plate. All the kids watched blown away.

"Really thats the best you got?" Jesus challenged and she laughed. His phone rang. He looked at it and laughed.

"Bring it on" he said obviously she texted him something. Ok she got really good at this ghost thing in the last 24 hours. The tv turned on the lights flickered.

"Oh I'm scared." he said.

"Jesus will you stop encouraging her." I said annoyed. I know Stef will not back down from a challenge.

"Lets play" she said as the light went off and the candle lit itself. He went over and blew out the candle after turning the light on. He picked it up and grabbed a note left under it.

"Lets play: First can be found in a place only you know of" he read the note out loud and he sighed.

"What do you have a diary or something?" Mariana teased.

"No" he denied and went to go down into our basement.

"Our basement?" I asked Stef and she shook her head following him and I got up and sighed. So much for a peaceful family dinner. Everyone followed him and he moved a bunch of boxes full of who knows what and opened a door.

"Wow how long has that been there?" I asked confused.

"Forever I used to go down here when stressed. It's just more storage room but I found it once when playing hide and seek with Mariana and I liked that no one else knew about it." he said honestly.  
>"This is why you always won hide and seek" Mariana said annoyed and he laughed.<p>

"Guess I wasn't the only one that knew about it" he said.

"It's amazing what you figure out about people when you die" Stef said and I repeated it too Jesus.

"Yeah I went here the day after she died, just needed some space." he said going in and grabbing a picture of us as a family and turned it around and pulled off the next note.

"The second is where you sneak too at night" he said and groaned.

"Hmm this should be interesting." I said and he rolled his eyes going back upstairs.

"It's just the fridge I get hungry at midnight" he admitted and everyone followed him upstairs. He searched for it in the fridge and eventually found another picture from last christmas.

"Really all this build up and she sends us on a scavenger hunt?" Callie said and I laughed.

"Yeah well what happens when we find them all?" Mariana asked.

"Hopefully it's like easter and I get a huge thing of candy" he said and I rolled my eyes.

"I don't think so" I said and he groaned.

"What's the next note say?" Jude said eager.

"The next near something you're brother cherishes more than life" he said.

"Ok I have two brothers, which one?" he asked and Stef laughed.

"Thats for me too know and you too find out" she said and i translated for her.

"Brandons piano" he said and went to check but their was nothing.

"Jude what do you cherish?" Jesus asked in the back ground.

"Jude dad's old pocket knife?" Callie offered and he nodded. He went to his room and grabbed it for Jesus.

"The next is behind a place locked by key" Jesus said.

"Behind the gun safe?" Mariana asked.

"I thought mom gave the gun back to the station." Jesus said looking back at me.

"I gave the gun back but the safe is still here" I explained and we went into our room.

We moved the safe and there was pictures of us with a letter for each one of us. Just as I was about to grab mine and read it the lights turned off and things went flying everywhere. Yeah should have known Stef would get one last scare in their. Suddenly Jesus and Callie screamed and the lights came back on. We all laughed and they groaned.

"Ok real funny" Callie said collecting herself. I would assume Stef just grabbed them or something.

"Oh my god that was so funny" Brandon said and they rolled their eyes.

"Mom is the last person you should challenge haven't you learned that yet" I said to Jesus at least Callie can claim ignorance but Jesus has been the victims of her pranks too many times.

After we all stopped making fun of them we sat down too the read the letters which I think was originally her goodbye letter when she thought I would make her leave. I opened mine and begin to read trying hard not to cry.

**Let me know what you think next chapter will have snip bits from all the letters and should have some romance between the moms, finally. Hope you like it and thanks for reading.**


	8. Chapter 8

Lena

'Dear Lena

Since that day in the playground I have loved you. You have been everything to me for the last eleven years, eleven amazing years. I don't know what I would have done without you. All the nights we spent up and talking on the phone before we even considered ourselves to be dating where we talked about anything is something I could never replace. I love the life we built together and I can't imagine coming home from a long day at work without the smell of whatever you were cooking and the beautiful smile you would give me. I couldn't imagine not hearing Brandons music, or splitting up the twins fighting, and seeing Callie's wonderful pictures and Jude helping us with dinner. Thank you for making my life a special occasion that was so filled with love. I love you

love,

Stef'

I read with tears in my eyes and all the kids were doing the same. I looked up at her and she smiled at me.

"Now you get romantic" I said and she laughed.

"I have to keep you on your toes" she said too me and I heard Mariana get everyone else out of the room and I laughed.

"You never had a problem with that" I said kissing her and pulling her against me.

"I love you" I said as we rested our foreheads together.

"I love you too" she said.

"You do realize how weird this looks right?" Jesus said and Mariana grabbed him and pulled him away. We both laughed.

"Guess somethings never change" she said and I laughed. She kissed me and I kept kissing her. Surprisingly it doesn't feel any different kissing a ghost than kissing her when she was alive. How was I ever going to make her leave, we need her.

Mariana

'Dear Mariana

That day I saw you and Jesus in the station and you were too scared to even take the lollipop from me I knew I had to do everything to convince mama too take you in. I just knew you were both part of the family. Luckily mama loved you immediately too, and our family grew. No matter what you believe you don't have to be perfect for us too love you, Miss. thing. You are allowed to make mistakes because me and mama love you unconditionally and that will never change. So please don't beat yourself up every time you make a mistake. I love you and will always love you.

Love,

mom'

She had written in pencil and then their was a P.S written in pen which she obviously wrote later.

'P.S

Don't you ever think what happened to me was your fault because it wasn't. Like I said you can make mistakes but you are not the reason I got shot. I went looking for Jesus. I went unprotected by my own choice out of fear for your brother. I made my own choices that put me in danger because I was going to protect Jesus. I would do it for him again any day and I would do it for you and any of your siblings and mama without a second thought. So don't you dare blame yourself and you better not try that again Miss. thing. I love you so much.'

I sat on my bed with tears in my eyes as I broke down crying. I miss her so much. I wish I could see her like mama can because it's still not the same and I miss her so much.

Jesus

I went down too my secret room hoping that I can still have this place for my own privacy even though everyone knows about it. I need to be alone when I read this. I miss her so much. I never really thought i would lose her. After losing Ana I was afraid to let any foster mother close too me, out of fear of me and Mariana getting hurt and I never thought I would have another mother too loss. Than I ended up getting two and at first I was scared we would lose them that they would leave or something. Eventually once I grew to trust them I convinced myself we were safe and would never loss this safety. I never thought I would lose one of them. Sure there were days where mom was a little late and watching mama get worried worried me but I never really thought I would lose her. Now she's gone and I just miss her.

Brandon

Unlike my siblings I never lost a parent before. For most of my life I had three parents and even though I knew I was lucky because of the twins and Callie and Judes life before arriving here I never thought the luck would run out. I never thought I would lose any of my parents. Sure both my mom and dad have a dangerous job and I understood the risks before she got shot I never seriously worried that I would lose her, or my dad.

Callie

'Dear Callie

I never thought I would come home that day too see my future daughter sitting their in my kitchen but I'm so glad mama is such a softie that she couldn't turn you down. I love you and your brother so much. Even though you were never officially adopted you were ours and no one could say otherwise...' the letter said and I whipped the tears away.

After my mom died I never thought I would have another family. All I was doing was protecting me and Jude from foster family after foster family and trying to give him as much of a childhood and family as I could. Than we managed to get some luck and land ourselves at the fosters and I was so glad we were in a safe home. Now we have a family, other people too be close too and i wasn't prepared to loss another mom. I miss her so much. Just like my birth mom I didn't tell her I loved her. I didn't tell either of them yet because I was afraid to get attached like that. The day she got shot I told mama I loved her but I never got to tell Stef. Thankfully I can still tell her but it just won't be the same.

Jude

I miss both my moms so much, Stef and my birth mom. I was young when I lost her but I still miss her all the time and losing Stef has just been a remainder of it. I miss her. I want everything to go back too the way it was before she got shot. For once in my life I had a family and I lost one of my moms again. I read her letter crying so hard that I could barely catch my breath.

'No matter what anyone says to you we love you, don't you ever forget that. Don't ever let anyone tell you you can't be who you are because you are a little different. We love you just the way you are and don't you ever change that for anyone. No matter what happens in your life I'm proud of you and don't you forget it.' read the part that made me cry the most. I haven't painted my nails since mom died just because of everything else going on but I reached over and grabbed the blue nail polish Mariana bought me. I painted them and smiled.

"I love you mom" I said looking down at my blue nails.

**Ok a bit shorter than my normal chapters but this is a real sad chapter so hope you like it. I cried way too much writing this. Thank you too FreakyGreenEyes123 for helping remember when Callie said I love you and accurately guessing what will happen in this chapter, it was a little freaky.**


	9. Chapter 9

Mariana

Today was our first day back to school since mom got shot, a little over a week ago. We have done our school work at home, thanks too most of our class work being online, so I'm not too behind. It's still a little stressful. I have two teachers who don't do the online thing, the one refusing claiming it will the downfall of society. So I'm really behind in those two classes.

Not too mention everything else that is going on. I'm still on suicide watch and it makes me a little crazy. I know that when Mamas eyes aren't on me moms are and i'm getting sick of the lack of privacy.

"Are you sure you want to go to school today?" mama asked when we were all alone. We have kept this a secret for the last few days but my siblings are starting to get suspicious. Mom is all for everyone else going to school since everyone is falling behind and to get back a sense of routine, but she's worried about me getting too stressed.

"Yes if I don't go back I will die from drowning in Henderson's work. I'll be fine" I said and she nodded.

"I know… I know" she said but she doesn't.

"Do you? You have been a little bit obsessive for a couple of days" I said and she sighed.

"I'm sorry you freaked me out that day" she said honestly and I smiled at her.

"Well I'm not going to off myself so you can relax,besides you are really telling me you have a ghost for a wife and you are not going to use it for your advantage" I said accusingly and she put her hands up.

"Ok fine but if you want to go home early…" she said and I glared at her.

"Stop. I'm fine" I said and she sighed.

"God you're like a mom dropping a kid of for their first day of preschool, relax" I said and she rolled her eyes.

Throughout the day I dealt with the 'i'm sorry for you're lost' from other students, teachers and the guidance counselor who called me and the rest of my siblings too give the 'we are here if you ever want too talk' speech. Mom did good and resisted the urge to check on me but I'm sure she is using mom as a spy.

Stef

I feel bad for Mariana Lena is having a bit of hard time coping with what happened a few days ago. I can't blame her I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it but she's getting a bit obsessive.

"Honey… I know this is hard but you need to calm down a little bit. Mariana is ok." I tried to reason with her.

"How are we suppose to know that? I thought she was fine before she tried taking Jesus' pills" she argued and I sighed.

"Honey I really do think she's ok, besides no one would ever want to die in a school" I said and she rolled her eyes.

"This is serious Stef." she said annoyed.

"I know it is, you know I make jokes in situations like this" I said defending myself and she nodded.

"I know, I'm just so worried we aren't doing enough for her" she said and I put my arm around her shoulders.

"Hey it's ok. We will take this one day at a time. She will be ok" I said and she sighed.  
>"I know. It's just so much at once" she said and I rubbed circles on her back.<p>

"I know, love. I'm sorry" I said and she shook her head.

"None of this is your fault." She said and sighed.

"I just don't want to lose her." she said and I shook my head.

"That will never happen." I said and she just shook her head.

"We don't know that. I didn't know I would lose you" she pointed out and I sighed.

"You didn't lose me, love" I said and she shook her head.

"Just because I can see you doesn't mean that I didn't lose you. It just makes it harder" she admitted shocking me. Am I hurting her more by being here?

"Am I making this harder for you?" I asked and she looked down.

"It's just so hard too see you, hear you and be able to feel you and know that you died. We could never be together like we used too, not really. It just makes it harder to let go with you here…" she said and I sighed. What is the right thing to do? On one hand I'm hurting them more by staying but I'm also hurting them by leaving.

"Do you want me to be here?" I asked and she looked up at me.

"You need to be here for the kids…" she said and I shook my head.

"No we aren't talking about the kids. Do you want me to be here?" I said and she sighed.

"I don't know. I miss you and I just want to act like nothing happened with you but what about when you have to leave." She said.

"Have too? I feel like if I was forcibly sucked into the light or dragged to the underworld it would have happened by now" I joked and she just sighed.

"You haven't changed a bit" she said and I laughed.

"Listen I don't have to go I can stay here until…" I said and trailed off.

"Until I die?" she asked and I nodded.

"I don't know…" I said and she smiled.

"Ok well it's not a no…" I said and she rolled her eyes.

"Yep haven't changed" She said and I laughed.

Mike

Today is the first day I get Brandon since Stef has passed away. Brandon stayed home last wednesday because of everything going on and it was the day after her funeral so I didn't think he would want too.

"Hey Mike" Lena said and I smiled at her.

"Hey wheres B" I asked.

"Upstairs in his room he should be down soon." she said going on with cooking supper. She seems ok but I'm sure she can put on an act.

"How is everyone?" I asked and she sighed.

"Handling it the best they can." she said simply and I nodded.

"Yeah… are you ok?" I asked and she smiled at me.

"Like I said handling it the best I can" she said and I nodded.

"Ok well if you ever need my help for anything…" I said and she nodded.

"I know Mike, thank you" she said as B went downstairs.

"Hey B, you ready?" I asked and he nodded.

"Yeah" he said and went over and said goodbye to Lena.

"See you guys" she said.

"See ya" I said back to her as we left.

"So how have you been?" I asked as we walked to my car.

"Alright I guess." he said and I nodded.

"How are you?" he asked shocking me.

"Me?"  
>"Yeah despite everything weren't you guys good friends for like thirty some years now" he said and I smiled at him.<p>

"You're mom would slap you for that comment it was only like 28 years…" I said and he laughed.

"And yeah we have been, I don't know. The memorial at the station tomorrow is going too hard." I admitted and he nodded.

"Yeah not looking forward too that, something about it is just…" he said and I nodded.

"They are always hard to watch. Honorable notice of a local hero… thing. It's just… depressing" I responded and than we drove back to my house in silence.

Sharon

I flew back in when I heard that the station organized an Honorable Notice memorial for Stef. No way in hell I'm missing that. She deserves to be given that type of memorial, I couldn't even tell you how many people she has saved because I'm sure I don't even know them all. Hell she died protecting her son she definitely deserves one.

It's still hard to think that she's still here. It's good to know she will get to see herself being noticed for how she has help this town and saved many lives.

"Grams here" I heard Mariana call too her siblings as I went towards the door. I opened the door and the kids were heading downstairs and Lena was standing behind Mariana. I got hugs from everyone and then went to put my things away.

"Jesus go take grandma's stuff too your room" Lena told him and I stopped her.

"I'm not that old I can take my own things" I said grabbing it before Jesus could and taking it up the stairs.

I know tomorrow is going to be a hard day for everyone and I'm glad we are all together for it.

**I don't know if I like this chapter. Oh well I always like it more when I read it a few times then when I'm writing it. Hope it doesn't suck and sorry if it does. Please review.**


	10. Chapter 10

Lena

I'm not ready for today. Honorable mention? She more than deserves one but I'm not ready to deal with it. Being notified as a hero, yeah kind of a big deal. Not sure I'm ready to deal with those emotions. I'm happy for her don't get me wrong but every time I'm reminded she's dead it's so hard. Every day I have to remind myself that she is a ghost. It would be so easy to slip into a fantasy that she is alive but i can't. It's not the same. Kissing her, hugging her feels the same (amazingly) but we can't just be together. Our kids can't see her so it's the same for them. It's not fair for them. I also can't send her away because thats not fair to them. So yeah what am I suppose to do?  
>"You ready for this?" sharon asked.<p>

"No too be honest" I admitted.

"Me too, at least we know Stef gets too see this" she said and I smiled.

"Yes these are always fun. I don't even get to eat the cake" she said fake crying. Typical Stef. She has been making jokes since she died. She's barely regarded this seriously. I don't think she even understands that she's getting an Honorable Mention. She hasn't been really happy about it and it's a huge honor that most cops hope to get one day. I know she did so why isn't she happy.

"Cake, really?" I asked once Sharon left. Sure I could talk to her while Sharon is in the room but thats just rude.

"What? I'm getting an Honorable Mention and I don't get too eat the cake. How unfair" she said.

"Stef you are getting an honorable mention and you're worried about cake? Shouldn't you be excited?" I asked and she shrugged.

"I don't know…" she said.

"This is a great honor" I said.

"I know…"she said.

"What's going on?" I asked and she sighed.  
>"Nothing it's just so… hard to wrap my mind around. I mean I know I'm dead and all but it still doesn't feel real" she said and I know how she feels. Her dying still doesn't feel real.<p>

"Besides I'm really not that amazing" she said and I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Really? Do you even know how many lives you have saved?" I asked and she shrugged.

"Twenty eight…" I said and she looked shocked.

"How do you know that?" she asked.

"Says it on the pamphlet. I didn't know you have saved that many people, did you?" i asked and she shrugged.

"No stopped keeping track after like sixteen" she said casually.

"Well it doesn't matter if you think you're amazing or not you're a hero. You're definitely mine. So stop being so modest but only for one day." I said and she laughed.

"Oh so I'm allowed to say that I look pretty good for being dead for weeks. Oh and that I'm the most amazing person anyone could hope to meet?" She said and I rolled my eyes.

"Don't get carried away. You're head's about to get bigger as it is" I joked and she laughed. We all finished getting ready and piled into one car, amazingly. Stef just poofed their since she now has the powers all sorted out. I made small talk with some of Stefs formal cops that she worked with that I have met a handful of times at events like basketball games and charity things. I got the same stuff I did at the funeral.

'I'm sorry for your loss', 'She was such a good cop', 'It's terrible she was too young' all stuff like that. Added in with the 'She really deserves this' and 'if only she knew she was getting one of these she would have held it over our head...' which she found hilarious.

"Yes, yes I would have." she said trying to figure out what cake it is despite not being able to eat it. Again with the cake.

"Can everyone take their seats?" Stefs old Captain asked as we all made our way back to our assigned seats. The family always sits in the front row and then followed by the cops who have worked with her for the longest until they get too the rookies who barely even met her but came because it's an event that cops are just suppose to show for, although not mandatory, it's just respectful.

"Hmm how rude there's no chair for the guest of honor" Stef joked and I just pretended like I didn't hear her. She walked over and leaned herself against the wall next to us.

"Stefanie was the most dedicated, down to earth, weirdly goofy cop I have had the pleasure to work with and I'm sure everyone else will agree" Captain started and every laughed.

"She was that cop that the majority of us had no idea what she would do next or what was even happening when around her. She made paperwork less torturist and it amazing she even got any of it done. On the other hand she was serious enough to be a good cop and was dedicated enough to be one of our best cops. She was the cop who saved many lives and was very good with dealing with the victims and their families. She was very good at understanding people and knowing just what too say too get the guy to drop the gun or the victim to feel comfortable enough to talk. Her ability to find the right words may not have always worked in her personal life as we all have heard many times" she said and I laughed at the last line. I'm sure she has informed her co-worker of how she put her foot in her mouth this time many times.

"She without a doubt deserves to be given an Honorable Notice Award. So I'm gonna shut up and let someone else talk" she said. The rest of the ceremony brought me to tears and I don't know how much more of this I can take. Jude sitting next to me took my hand and I smiled at him thankful. I looked over at Stef who smiled and walked over next to me.

"You ok?" she asked putting her other hand on top of mine. I know my kids are tearing up and Sharon is probably just as torn up as I am. I wiped the tears away from my cheek as I casually shook my head no.

For the rest of it I tried my best to keep myself from completely bawling but was barely managing. I don't want to interrupt the ceremony it's going so beautifully. Once the speaking part of the ceremony was done I got up and went to the bathroom quickly before I broke down. Stef followed me.

I was barely able to breathe I was crying so hard. Stef went too give me a hug but I tensed up in her arms and she let go. She watched awkwardly unsure of what to do.

"It's ok, Lena" she said and I shook my head.

"No it's not. Don't you get it you're dead" I said and she stood there for a bit longer before I spoke again.

"You're dead and everything is falling apart" I said in between sobs.

"No it's not it will be ok" she said but I don't think she gets it.

"No it won't. Nothing will ever be ok without you. Our kids are a mess, Mariana is on suicide watch for goodness sakes. Everything is so bad and I don't know what to do" I admitted.

"Everything will be ok. The kids are grieving, they will be fine." she said.

"How are they suppose to grieve when you are here?" I asked and there was another question that I didn't ask. _How am I?_

"Well maybe you are right" she said shocking me. "Maybe it's time I leave."

"What about the kids, Mariana…" I started and she shook her head.

"Well talk to them. Explain that I love them but need to go" she said.

"Were?" I asked. "I thought you didn't know where to go"

Stef

I know I'm hurting my family by being here. Lena is a mess and maybe it's time that I go. I don't know where I would go too but if i tell her that than she won't let me leave.

"That was before… I know where to go now" I lied. She looks at me.

"Really?" she asked and I nodded.

"Yeah when I started to walk through walls and all that everything became a little more clear" I lied. I have never been a good liar, especially when it came too Lena, but she didn't question it. I think she's too distracted by conflicted emotions that she's not really looking for me possibly lying to her. I hate lying but I know this is for her own good.

"Ok we will talk too the kids." she said and I forced a smile. I hope this is what's best for everyone.

Mariana

After the ceremony was done we went home and had a 'party' (if you can even call it that) type thing where some friends and family were here. I didn't want too talk to anyone so I made myself look busy bringing plates of food out and setting the table and all that. I was just about ready to admit defeat and give up nicely avoiding people when my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number but I still picked up anyways.

"Hello who is this?" I asked.

"Mariana, it's me Ana. Can we talk?" she said and I shook my head. I shouldn't have picked up. I hung up without saying another word and hope she gets the message.

**Ok let me know what you think. Sorry for the wait. Hope you like it and this story may be close to ending (or not sometimes that happens too) but I want to say it will be around 15 chapters. In case you haven't picked up on this it will not have a 'happily ever after' ending. Stef is dead period. So don't surprised if this gets even sadder from here.**


	11. Chapter 11

Lena

I took a deep breath no matter how many times I tell myself it needs to be done it's so hard to do this. I sighed and called for the kids too all come down.

"Everything ok?" Callie asked at the sight of me guess I'm not doing a good job of hiding my internal war. I need to do this, it's better to do it now than wait.

"We all need to talk" I said and they nodded. We all went to sit down in the living room and Mariana pulled out the ouija board from behind the TV. We keep it down here so anyone can talk to her but we also keep it hidden so if we have guest we don't get the weird looks and questions.

It's weird we have become use too this being our way of us all talking. It's weird how fast you get used too the craziness. We all put our fingers on the piece.

"Ok me and mom have talked about having her leave…" I started slowly. I could see the disappointment in everyones faces.

"No" Mariana said quickly against the idea like the rest of her siblings but they didn't seem too want to comment.

"Mom should be moving on and so should we" I said and saw Judes eyes fill with tears it brought tears to my own eyes. I can't blame them I don't want her to go either.

"Moving on?" Jesus asked and I looked at Stef. I don't think they are just going to take my word.

'Yes, Jesus everyone needs to move on' Stef wrote out abbreviating the words.

"Where are you going to go?" asked Callie their was a pause.

"Heaven?" Jude asked and Stef moved the piece too yes. I really hope she actually knows where she's going.

"What about us?" Brandon asked.

"This isn't right for any of us. Keeping her here isn't right. We should all be moving on and grieving like…" I started and he interrupted me.

"Grieving? Some people here already are. Just because you can see her doesn't mean it's the same for us" B yelled at me and it shocked me. Did he really just accuse me of not grieving for her.

'That's enough' she spelled out but Brandon still looked pissed.  
>"Yes I know it is different for you guys. That doesn't mean I'm not grieving for her too. I love her very much and you all know that" I said shocked he would think otherwise.<p>

"I'm not saying you don't. I'm saying you haven't lost her" he said and I blinked away the tears.

"Just because I can see her doesn't mean I haven't lost her" I defended myself.

"Really? You guys have kissed it's not like anything has changed. The only thing you probably lost is the sex life, well I hope at least" he said and everyone else hence.

"Enough" I yelled having enough of his attitude. He has had it out for me since finding out I can see his mom. It might be jealousy but I have had enough of it.

"First of all that's not true we have kissed once and we have most certainly not done anything further and it's none of your business if we did. Just because I can see her doesn't mean that I haven't grieved for her. We are not together, we haven't been since she dead." I said and watched as tears came too her eyes. She knows it's true but it still was a hurtful thing to say.

"Anyone have anything else to say?" I asked and no one said anything.

"Good because it's happening. Say your goodbyes though the ouija board" I said getting up and heading to the bathroom. I started crying. Well somehow that went worse than expected. I just want my life too back too normal but I know it never will be again. I feel bad I know everyone of those kids are heartbroken and feel like the just lost her again. It's exactly the way I feel.

Stef

I can't believe Brandon would yell at Lena like that. We raised him better. Everyone seems to be walking on eggshells lately. I know too some it seems like Lena has gotten too live in this fake paradise where I didn't die but she hasn't.

I still can't believe this is probably the last time I will talk to my family (and maybe talk to anyone.) What's going too become of me after leaving. How long can someone go without talking to anyone before going insane? Not too mention actually losing them. I don't know if I can handle that.

"Mom are you there?" Jude asked and I put my fingers on the piece and move it too yes.

"I love you" he said and everyone repeated it after him. It brought tears to my eyes. I need to do this I know that. Lena is right and I would do anything for them.

'I love you too. Please never forget that.' I wrote out steeling myself for having too say goodbye to them for what is probably permanently (for possibly around a century- at least I hope it is).

"I'm gonna miss you" Mariana said tears running down her face and everyone agreed with her.

'I'm gonna miss all of you' I wrote and they can't possibly understand how much.

Once I said my last goodbyes; after like ten goodbyes, I love yous, and I will miss you etc., I went to talk to Lena. It was so hard for all of us to walk away from each other. I promised them I would see them again and I'm hoping I'm lying to them.

"Hey" she said tears in her eyes at the sight of me.

"Hey" I said. I can't believe I will never see them again. How can I 'live' without them?

"Are the kids ok?" She asked.

"They will be" I answer simply. I know she can tell I have been crying.

"I'm gonna miss you" she said breaking down and crying more which made me cry harder.

"I'm gonna miss you too" I said and she went over and hugged me. This is the last time I will hug her. I held her tight.

"I love you" she said and If I needed to breathe I would be crying too hard too catch my breath. I know Lena is struggling.

"I love you too" I told her and she pulled apart from me. I wanted to pull her back into another hug but I know if I keep hugging it will only make this harder.

"I better see you again" she told me and I smiled at her.

"No time soon, though" I said seriously and she forced a smile. I can't imagine living decades without her but I want her to live a long happy life.

"Don't get yourself kicked out of heaven" she said and I forced a laugh. I have too get in it first.

"I won't. You can't on the application it says if you get in they can't kick you out. If I can remember correctly it was on page 45" I joked and she smiled at me.

"Oh I'm gonna miss you're bad jokes" she said and I frowned.

"Oh I see how it is. I die and the truth comes out" I joked and she laughed but it was filled with sadness. The type of laugh that makes you even sadder than hearing someone crying.

"I'll always love you." she promised.

"I'll always love you too. Please have a good life and make sure they do too" I said and she nodded.  
>"You where the love of my life" I said and whipped the tears from her face away.<p>

"You were mine. Now go before I can't do this" she said sobbing. It was so hard to walk away but eventually I turned around and left our room closing the door behind me. I looked back at the closed door and listened too the sound of her crying.

"I love you so much" I whispered before pulling myself away from the door and walking too the kids room. First I looked into Brandons room too see him looking through pictures with tears in his eyes.

"I love you, I hope you have an amazing life. I will miss the sound of your music and I hope one day you go far with it. Be good too you're mama, and who ever you end up with. I love you" I said looking at the boy I have raised since birth and promised to never abandon and now I have to walk away and leave him. I watched him for a second before turning and walking too Marianas and Callies room.

Mariana and Callie were sitting on the same bed talking and crying a little bit. The reminised on all these different things and it made me cry harder.

"I love you both so much. Just because I didn't give birth to you doesn't mean you're not my daughter so don't you ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Callie I wish we could have adopted you before all this happened but I'm sure mama will get too adopt you eventually. Either way we both love you unconditionally. Callie I know you didn't tell me you loved me before I died which upsetted you and reminded you of your birth mom but please don't blame yourself I know you love me. Mariana please never blame yourself for what happened to me you know this isn't your fault. I love both of you please have a happy long life" I said even through I know they can't hear me. I have said this all too them multiple times I just have to say it again one more time.

I looked at my two daughters who I love so much and have been through so much and I told myself I would never add too that but now I'm leaving. Now i'm becoming another parent they lost. I sighed and finally first myself to pull away.

Finally I made my way too Jesus and Judes room. They both sat doing their own thing. Jesus on the internet and Jude doing his nails but they both seemed like they were doing it too distract themselves from what's really happening.

"I love you both so much. Jesus I have loved you since I noticed how protective you were off Mariana and it broke my heart because no kid should have too take care of himself let alone another kid. I will always love you no matter what you do and I hope you know that. I hope you keep looking out for your sister and supporting her. I love you. Jude don't be afraid of being different life is too short for that normal stuff and anyone who tells you otherwise isn't worth your time. Me and you're mama will always love you for who ever you end up being. I love you so much" I said and watched them for a second before forcing myself to leave. I walked downstairs and after a moment of hesitation walked out the front door with no clue where i'm going.

**Ok I bawled like the entire time. This is too sad hope you liked it. I'm sure it's probably going to be just a bunch of sad chapters after this. Sorry for doing this too you. Please review and let me know what you think.**


	12. Chapter 12

Lena

I laid down and curled up too Stefs pillow and cried myself to sleep. Sleep didn't last long as I have woken up like ten times from dreams about us together. By the last time I fell asleep I have cried myself out and collapsed into a deep dreamless sleep for a little more than an hour. I know everyone has been crying last night and I decided to let everyone stay home today, including myself. I don't know how we are ever going to get back on the right track but we need to find a way.

"I'm sorry about what I said last night" Brandon said awkwardly.

"It's ok, we were all upset" I said patting him on the shoulder.

"It still doesn't excuse that so I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of it and I shouldn't have said it" he said sincerely and I smiled at him.

"I know B it's ok" I said and he lingered for a bit.  
>"Is there something else?" I asked.<p>

"Dad asked if I can go shoot some hoops with him or something" he said and I nodded.

"Of course have fun" I said and he smiled at me and then turned around too get ready. I'm trying my best to make everything normal again. It's going to take forever.

Stef

The further away I walked from the house the harder it got. Ok what the hell. Eventually I just poofed into my dad's house and too my surprise my dad was sitting there reading the paper. He looked at me and smiled.

"Hey you're back. Do you have a lot of homework?" he asked confusing me. What?

"No that's good. I can heat up supper if you are ready for it" he said even though I didn't say anything.

"Ok well come back when you are ready to eat. No boys" he said the last part in a teasing way like he used to do when I was younger. Does he see me as a kid? He went back to his paper and took a sip out of his coffee. The newspaper was dated 'March 3rd, 1978' I was nine. He's stuck in the past.

"Hey honey" he said and went to kiss what I would assume is my mom but I can't see her. He's stuck in a delusion of the past. What if he just lives the same day over and over again? Like in one of those movies. Is that what's going too happen to me?

"Dad" I shouted but he didn't seem too hear me.

"Stef?" my dad asked. There was a pause as he waited for my 'mom' too answer.

"She's out hanging with Megan, she doesn't have homework" he responded back. She said something and he put his newspaper down and turned towards 'her' again.

"Oh definitely" he said and I turned away in disgust even though I can't see my mom. 'They' went upstairs a little too quickly and I groaned in disgust. If this is my afterlife I definitely did something wrong. I picked up his newspaper to figure out what was happening on March 3rd 1978 that he would be stuck in it but nothing stuck out. What happened why would he be reliving that day if nothing special happened in it.

March 3rd 1978 it's not a date I can remember having any significance to me.

Mariana

I looked down and rolled my eyes.

'I'm not giving you money, Stop texting me' I texted back and shoved the phone back into my pocket. Before long my phone vibrated again.

'Can we please talk?' she responded and I just put the phone in my pocket. Talking to her is the reason my mom dead, there's no way we are 'talking' ever again.

"Everything alright" My mom asked.

"Oh yeah" I said and she gave me a worried look.

"Ana massaged me but I told her to stop and i'm not answering her" I admitted and she smiled.

"Good I'm proud of you. If she keeps texting you let me know and I will run it by the police" she said and I smiled at her. Run it by the police? Yeah she's not tolerating Ana after that. Can't blame her if she keeps texting me I will want to do what it takes too stop it. I have learned my lesson, she's not good news. She's not my real mom just some woman who gave birth to me.

Brandon

Dad grabbed a ball and tossed it at me.

"Come on lets see what wrong method you're mom taught you" he joked and I laughed. Typical dad.

"Oh I'm sure she will haunt you for that" I said but the words saddened me. It's weird how I didn't even believe ghost existed about a week ago and now I'm dealing with losing my ghost mom.

"Oh right she can try all she wants" he said and I know he doesn't believe in ghosts.

"Ok well I wouldn't challenge her if I were you" I said thinking back on her 'haunting' Callie and Jesus and I'm sure she would go worse on her ex-husband's than her kids. I know she has 'left' through but if she heard that there is no way she would not accept that challenge.

"Right" he said as he got a basket.

"Give it a go" he said throwing my the ball and I missed.

"Guess neither me or you're mom was successful" he teased. "Just kidding go again" he said and I got one in.

"Good. Wanna play some one on one?" he asked and I nodded.

"Sure" I said even though I'm not really in the mood to do anything.

"We don't have too. Are you ok?" he asked and I forced a smile.

"Yeah of course." I said.

"Yeah i'm not buying it. If you got anything from your mom it is you're inability to be passive aggressive. What's wrong?" he said and he has a point. Mom was more straight forward and if she tried to be passive aggressive about something it didn't work because we could see through it.

"Nothing" I said shaking my head.

"Ok if you insist" he said sarcastically. We played a little one on one for a bit. I grabbed my water bottle and drank half of it.

"You need to bend your knees more" he said and I nodded.

"Right" I said and he sighed.

"Ok come on something is wrong. You have been off all night" he said. I shouldn't tell him he probably won't believe me first of all and we were asked not to tell people.

"Nothing... it's just" I said and he shook his head.

"Is it something at home?" he asked and I shook my head.

"No" I denied.

"You're mom randomly gave you a day off of school?" he asked not convinced.

"Just a rough night." I said and he shook his head.

"What ever you say" he said not believing me.

Stef

Their no sense of time in afterlife once I left the house. Especially since we are thirty some years back into the past. Each day goes as 'normal' but each day isn't the same unlike my previous theory. 'Today' is March 9th according to the 'newspaper' and i have no idea how much real time has actually passed. It could be minutes or even years I don't know.

Each 'day' their is a normal schedule of eating breakfast and reading the newspaper 'kid me' going and coming home from school 'younger mom' going and coming home from work etc. Despite the Deja voo sensation it is obviously a different day and not just because a different date is printed on the newspaper. But also because their is different halves of a conversation different football games on the tv. Ironically the Padres are doing great, whether they did great in 1978 or if my dad just has some control over what is happening in this 'time loop' delusion of his I do not know.

I have tried talking to him many times but he can't hear me. Great I'm a ghost too another ghost, just like I was before Lena could hear me. I can't live like this I have too get out. This probably isn't even my loop, it's my dad. So i guess each ghost has their own. I don't know how to find mine but I know I can't stay here. The isolation will drive anyone insane.

I left the house and like leaving my own it was physically hard to go. Like having a rope tied around your waist with an anchor attached to it, how I'm moving at all is amazing. I tried too poof places but it just wasn't working. Than all of the sudden just like when I first went too my dad's loop I just randomly poofed to a different location. This time it seemed almost like 'nothingness' but as my eyes adjusted to the sudden darkness I could make out some of my surroundings. I was on a street but couldn't make out what street it was.

"Oh dear" I heard an old man say and I looked around too see who he was talking too and too my surprise I was the only one here that I could see at least.

"Yes you blondie." he said staring right at me and I felt like I could cry I was so happy just to be seen and have someone to talk too. Even though I haven't seen this man before I didn't care.

"You can see me" I said and he laughed.

"Yes I can see you, kid. What happened to you?" he said. I couldn't tell if he sees me as a kid or if it's just an older person thing.

"Where do I even begin?" I said and he laughed.

"How did you get kicked out of your cycle?" he asked and I guess the cycle he's talking about is what I call a loop.

"I haven't found mine. I just left my dad's" i explained and he looked shocked.

"Haven't found yours? Why how long have you been a ghost?" he asked and I shook my head.

"I don't know" I said honestly and he nodded.

"That was a stupid question time is irrelevant to us shadow walkers" he said and I gave him a weird look.

"Shadow walkers?" I asked not sure if somehow there's a textbook on all this I just haven't gotten yet, maybe it comes with the cycle.

"Ghosts. Shadow walkers sounds cooler through" he said and I laughed. He has a point 'Shadow Walkers' have more of a ring too it than 'ghost'.

"Anyways we will find you a cycle and until than we can haunt the world. You always welcome" he said.

"Come on I will introduce you to rest of the Shadow Walkers" he said shocking me. There are many of us that don't have a cycle? He walked over a bit and then a few people and a dog appeared.

"This is Ralph" he said getting down and petting the dog. "He's my favorite everyone needs a mans best friend right?" he said and one of the guys hit the old man.

"Hey we are right here? Where did you find this sweetie?" asked a middle aged man who obviously checked me out. I folded my arms across my boobs as if to shield myself.

"Excuse Eric, he hasn't seen a girl other than his sister for who knows how long" he said.

"What's your name?" he asked. Normally if a guy was this forward and creepy I would give him a fake name in order to avoid being stalked but I don't see a reason to do it now. I'm stuck with these people.

"Stefanie" I admitted.

"I'm Janice" said a woman who I'm going too guess is Erik's sister.

"Oh how rude of me I forgot to introduce myself, I'm Jacob." the old man said politely.

"Conner" Jacob yelled and suddenly a small boy appeared holding a teddy bear looking frightened. He looked to be no more than one and my heart immediately broke. What happened to him?

"This is Stefanie and she's very nice. Can you say hi" Janice said too the little boy who clung to her leg.

I kneeled next to him and smiled at him.

"Hey Conner, that's a very nice teddy bear. What's his name?" I asked in my baby talk. My parental part of me wanting to pick this kid up and never let him go and protect him from the cruel afterlife.

"Beary" he said and I smiled at him.  
>"That's a very nice name." I said.<p>

"Do you have kids?" Janice asked me.

"Five" I said not even looking up.

"Wow, you're crazy. Thank god, I hate kids." she said picking Conner up and handing him too me. He started crying immediately and I gently rocked him.  
>"It's ok, baby." I said and he eventually calmed down in my arms and started sucking on his thumb.<p>

"These sexist assholes put me in charge of him" she said and I didn't like how she talked in front of Conner. I would never swear in front of a one year old, let alone make it sound like I didn't like them.

Janice seemed thrilled to have the responsibility of Conner put on someone else and I wasn't going to complain. Him and Ralph may be my favorite of these Shadow Walkers and I can't help but love the little boy curled up in my arms. At least if i'm stuck in eternity with random people one is an adorable one year old boy and another is a beautiful golden retriever.

**A few announcements:**

**I didn't realize that Frank dead after Stef was shot until after writing that scene and it was written pretty well so now Frank dead before Stef, just deal with it. I can change the plot if I want.**

**Also I personally don't know if I believe in ghost but this how I imagine the afterlife if it exists. To clarify their is no heaven or hell (in this story) as in a location but more like a mind set. Psychological peace or torture though these 'loops' or 'cycles'. Message me if you have any questions, it may be a bit confusing but I tried to explain it the best I could. **

**Review!**


	13. Chapter 13

**I'm skipping time though Lenas life.**

**Four years after Stef's death**

Lena

I sat down and smiled at the other girl. My kids and friends have decided I need to be dating, whether I want too or not.

"You look so beautiful by the way" Natassia said and I smiled at her.

"So do you" I said awkwardly.

"What is someone as beautiful as you doin single?" she asked and I forced a laugh.

"Um my wife passed away a few years ago" I explained.

"Oh i'm sorry…" she said.

"It's ok, i'm sure she's in a better place. My kids decided I need a little push back into dating" I said and she laughed.

"Five kids?" she asked. I guess she's found me on facebook or something, gotta love technology.

"I'm sorry I looked you up" she said shamefully and I shook my head dismissing it.

"No it's ok, I did the same." I admitted.

"Well i'm impressed I definitely couldn't handle five kids, one is enough for me" she said. She has a sixteen year old daughter named Ashley is I can remember correctly.

"Yeah It's a handful but most of them are in college. I only have two kids living with me right now. My youngest Jude who graduates at the end of this school year and one of the twins Jesus, who is looking for an apartment now." I explained and she nodded.

"Makes it a little easier" she said.

"I guess, I miss the chaos of a big family." I admitted. I miss my kids so much, they were the only thing keeping me going after losing Stef. Judes reluctant to leave me when he goes to college because he doesn't want me living alone. Which is why I think this dating thing is starting because they want to start getting me out their and possibly someone else I can spend a lot of time with.

"Anyways enough about me what are you doing single?" I asked looking at the menu.

"My wife and I split up a year ago and like you my daughter is giving me the push too" she said and I laughed. The rest of the date went ok but it's not like their was any real chemistry. I think we were both not really wanting to be their which is awkward.

Jude and Jesus came downstairs when I got home excited to hear about it.

"So how did it go?" Jesus asked.

"Fine" I said and they both sighed.

"What I said it was fine." I defended myself.

"Mom you have to give her a chance." Jude said sounding frustrated.

"I did I said it was fine"

"Fine. How many terrible dates did I say 'it was fine' before I finally met Nathan. Give it a chance" Jude said. Him and Nathan have been dating for over two years now and they are so cute together.  
>"I will. It was one date" I said and they smiled.<p>

"Good because you were pretty hesitant too going tonight" Jesus said and I glared at him.

"Oh i'm sorry getting a text saying I have a date with a girl named Natassia in an hour and a half and she's picking me up and we took twenty dollars to get pizza was a little shocking" I said and they laughed.

"Well we told you a month ago we were finding you someone" Jude defended.  
>"I mean it's been four years, mom" Jesus said and I sighed.<br>"I know thank you for that. I said I will but no promises. Why are you guys so eager to get me a girlfriend anyways?" I asked.

"We don't want you living alone" Jude admitted.

"You leave in four months you really think I'm going to move in with a girl by the end of the four months" I asked then thought about it for a second. _That's what I did with Stef._

"Well yeah, you're a lesbian" Jude said and I shook my head. They both laughed. This should be interesting. I'm expected to settle down with someone in four months.

Stef

I picked up Connor and he snuggled up against me.

"What are you gonna do with Connor when you find you're cycle?" Eric asked as he made a car go off and the street lights flicker scaring a young couple and he laughed.

"Take him with me" I said without hesitation.

"You can't see him once you're in a cycle" he said and my heart broke. We still haven't found my cycle but it's harder than I would have thought. Which I guess is why we are lost.

"I can't just add him into the cycle?" I asked looking down and the smiling little boy in my arms clueless too what's going on around him. He's too young too even know he's dead let alone be able to handle the after life.

"You know that's not how it works" he said.

"It's a psychological paradise or hell assuming it's a paradise can't I control what's in my cycle?" I asked and he sighed.  
>"It's not that easy, i'm sure it can be done just don't know how" he said but it sounded like an encouragement. I'm not losing him, no matter what. I lost five of my kids I'm not losing a sixth, especially since he really needs me.<p>

"I will figure it out." I said and he smiled.

"Good babies cycles are really hard to find because well it's a baby" he said pointing too Conner.

"He has been with us for much longer than you and he needs to be with a mother, Janice is not one" he said honestly. Janice isn't as cold hearted as she first seemed but she really doesn't like kids. She gets annoyed if Conner cries for more than a minute and ends up screaming for me to shut him up.

"Oh he's going with me" I said not taking no for an answer.

"I thought so. Also keep in mind even if you manage to find you're cycle and make it so Conner is a part of it that doesn't mean that Lena will be once she passes away" he said patting me on the back. Most of the Shadow Walkers don't want to find their cycle because they know if they do they won't be able to find their loved ones. Every ghost has their own cycle even babies and dogs, but there's are really hard to find, which means loved ones are split up even if they don't know it. Cyclees as Eric calls them says they both thinks the other is really there but it's a part of their imagination. Being dead our imagination and psychological mindset can really come to life since their isn't the limit of having a physical body.

If I can join Conner as part of my cycle, which hopefully I will be able to do, shouldn't I be able to join Lena. We can join our cycles together, right?

**Twenty years after Stef died**

Lena

I know that I'm not going to make it much longer. I have been told by the doctor that I have probably about a year about a year ago. A year ago my heart got really bad and no matter what they do I don't have much longer. I have been in a hospital for about a week after a mini heart attack. The kids all came out too see me knowing I don't have long.

"Where are the kids?" I asked Diane. Who I married ten years ago. Don't get me wrong I love her but not as much as I did Stef and part of me thinks she knows that.

"They are on their way, sweetie" she said holding my hand. I closed my eyes and she kissed my cheek.

"Wake me when they get here" I said and she told me she would.

Stef

We still haven't found my cycle and I'm getting frustrated. I need to find a safe home for Conner so that I can get him off the street. I was sitting with him playing on my lap when suddenly I poofed to a hospital room with him still in my lap. Ok what just happened? I still have yet to get control over this random transportation. I don't understand Conner doesn't do it and he's one. Conner looked around the room taking in everything around him not really fazed by the change in location. I picked him up and I stood up too see what I'm here for. What I saw shocked me.

"Lena" I said putting Conner down and rushing to her side. She looked weak and probably twenty or so years older than when I last saw her that night I left the house. It's been twenty years? My kids are grown up and probably have kids of their own.

Lena opened her eyes and looked at me shocked.

"Stef?" she asked. What is wrong with her? She's too young too die, she's only like sixty.

"I'm here" I said taking her hand. Tears came to my eyes as I watched her close her eyes. I leaned forward and kissed her forehead as I felt her take her last breath. The beeping went to a steady line and I pulled back tears streaming down my face.

"Mommy?" Conner asked pulling on my leg. I leaned down and picked him up hugging him. I turned around and Lena looked confused.

"Do you know what just happened?" I asked tears in my eyes.

"Yeah, I wasn't suppose too make it much longer" she said sadly.

"I missed you" she said and I grabbed her hand.

"I missed you too" I said and Conner hid his face in my chest at the sight of the stranger.

"Connor honey it's ok" I said to him sweetly and Lena watched confused.

"This is mommy's wife" I said and she looked even more confused. He rubbed the tears from his eyes.

"Is she nice?" He asked in whisper and I laughed.

"Very nice. Can you say hi" I said and he whipped his tears off on my shirt.

"Hi" he said barely looking at her.

Still confused she smiled at the boy.

"Hey sweetie. What's you're name?" she asked in her baby voice.

"Conner" he said and she smiled.

"That's a very nice name for a really cute boy." Lena said and he smiled.

"Is she with us?" he asked and I nodded.  
>"Yeah baby she's with us" I told him and he nodded. I took Lenas hand and took us back too were the Shadow Walkers base is.<p>

I put him down and let him play knowing me and Lena really need to talk.

"Ok what is going on?" she asked.

"Well it's kind of a long story. To sum it up these guys are Shadow Walkers as they like to call themselves. They don't have what we call a cycle which is a psychological heaven or hell for each individual ghost and since I can't find mine I'm stuck with these guys…" I said and Jacob yelled at me.

"Hey you should be lucky I brought you in kid" he said.

"That's Jacob he is the kind stranger who took me in, I'm not sure if he sees me as a kid or not. Over their is Eric he is a bit of a pervert but he stops after a while, his sister is Janice she's something else, and this is Ralph" I said and whistled for him and he ran to me his tail going a mile a minute.

"Ralph and Conner are my favorite. I took in Conner since none of these guys wanted the responsibility and have love him ever since. So yeah you're turn" I said and she gave me a weird look.

"Uh what?" she said still trying to grasp it all.

"Yeah you get used to it. It's really weird at first. Anyways how are the kids, I didn't know it's been twenty years." I said and she looked shocked.

"There's no sense of time once you die." I explained.

"Ok well the kids are fine. Brandon got back into music and is doing background music for TV shows, plays, and movies. He got married a year ago too a girl named Megan and they have a seven year old daughter named Sierra. She looks like you did as a kid, cutest thing." she said and I was so glad too hear that.

"Callie is a special occasion photographer and married too Wyatt and they have a four year old daughter named Lilliana and a two year old son named Chase. Mariana is a socially worker who works with foster children and recently married too a guy named Deryl and they are expecting a little boy in a month…" she said sadly at the idea that she didn't get too see him be born.

"Wow." was all I could say and she laughed.

"Yeah that's only half of them. Jesus who again didn't listen to us got a girl named Caitlyn pregnant in their sophomore year of college. He married her and managed fine until their son Trevor turned four when they got a divorce and he is now engaged to another girl named Rachel and Trevor goes back and forth between them and his mom. Jude who came out as being bi even though he pretty much just dates boys married a man named Nathan who was his high school sweetheart and they adopted two little girls Molly who is now five and Sara who is now three. You're pretty much caught up" she said. Yeah pretty much what expected it would be like once we grew old, you know minus the me and Lena being ghosts part.

"Wow ok what about you?" I asked not sure what to expect. She smiled awkwardly.

"It's ok I wanted you to move on" I said and she smiled at me.

"Uh well I got remarried to a girl named Diane ten years ago…" she said and I forced a smile. Yeah I knew she would move on eventually, which pretty much means she will fall out of love for me eventually.

**Ok this chapter was generously longer than my chapters normally are. Hope you liked it and Please review. A few things don't get use too me writing this often their is a snow 'storm' where I live and the school thought it would be really bad so I have had a few snow days this week which is why I have written a lot. Also for the person asking me to continue Parallel Universe I'm having writers block with that story and have two stories going currently I will get to it when I can. Anyways hope you liked it.**


	14. Chapter 14 altending1 (cycles illusion)

**Alternate Ending 1**

Stef

I was sitting on the floor watching as Conner ran in circles driving everyone crazy.

"Hes never going to run out of energy is he?" Lena asked.

"No they don't at that age" I said and she nodded seeming upset.

"Whats wrong" I asked.

"Never had a kid that age" she said and I never thought about that. She never had a baby.

"Why didn't you and whats her name have another kid?" I asked cant helping that I sound jealous.

"Five was enough... I never loved her like I loved you" she said honestly.

"Its ok" I said.

"No I really didn't. I could never love like I loved you." she said and I kissed her knowing she is telling the truth.

Diane

Tears immediately came to my eyes at the sight of Lena. I knew logically that she was on her deathbed and she wouldn't be with us much longer but that doesn't mean I actually thought it would happen. I wasn't in here with her when she dead, she died alone. Her kids were about to come in after me but I stopped them.

"Don't" I said shaking my head and I watched tears fill all of their eyes.

"Nurse" I said getting the attention of the nearest nurse. She didn't even ask she could tell from the looks on all of our faces.

"I'm so sorry" she said too all of us before going in the room.

"She was suppose too make it" Mariana said tears in her eyes her hand going over her stomach. Jesus instinctively put his arm around her shoulder since her husband's couldn't be here for her.

"I miss her already" Jude said and Nathan put his arm around his husbands waist.

"She's with your mom" I heard Nathan whisper too Jude in an attempt to make it so I didn't hear it but I still did. I shook my head knowing he's right. She never really loved me, not like she loved her, I know that I wasn't blind. I know I could never come close to live up too Stef in her eyes and that's what kills me. I know she loved me but not like that and she tried she really did but it's not something that can be forced. I told myself the longer we were together that it would fade but it never did.

Lena

This death thing is a hard concept to grasp. It's a whole new way of 'life' than life is and it's just odd. Stef has been dead for two decades and they all talk like they just met her a few days ago, her included. I know there isn't a sense of time but really. Most of them look like they have been dead since the early 1900s including Conner who is dressed in the stereotypical twentieth century clothes. It's weird to think that he's only one but have been around longer than we have been alive. So technically he's older than us?

I watched as Conner sat in Stefs lap playing with his teddy the only toy he owns. I smiled she seems so relaxed with him. She is definitely a natural mother. I went over and sat next to her.

"Well isn't that a cute sight" I said and she smiled at me.

"Yeah he's adorable" she said.

"You both are, honestly he looks like he could be your son" I said noticing the similarities in looks. He had short blonde hair, it would be cuter longer but i'm sure it would be weird back then for him too have long hair, and the prettiest blue eyes.

"Really?" she asked looking down at the boy.

"Are you kidding me he looks a lot like you. How are we going to find this what's it called?" I asked.

"Cycle?" she said and I nodded.

"Well we believe if we go back to our house it will be the cycle." she said and I gave her a weird look.

"If it's that easy why haven't you done it already?" I asked confused.

"I was worried I wouldn't work and you would see me and it will cause a lot of drama. Opening an old wound" she said. She stayed in these living conditions because she was afraid she would open an old wound? She had to keep herself away from her family for twenty years. Resist the urge to check on her wife and kids because it was what was best for them. Talk about sacrificing everything.

"What are we waiting for?" I asked and she shrugged.

"Hey buddy you ready to get a home?" she asked and he looked at me confused.

"Home?" he asked not knowing what 'home' was and it broke my heart and I can tell it broke hers too.

"Yeah you're love it" she said and picked him up. He laughed and went to whisper something to her.

"Sure" she said and handed Conner too me. So far he has clung too Stef so it meant a lot to me that he wants me to hold him.

"Good luck" Jacob said and everyone exchanged goodbyes, it was really awkward. Considering the fact that Stef has been with them for twenty years they still all ask like she was a guest that no one expected. They act like they barely know her and didn't even seem that fazed that Conner was leaving. If Conner has lived with them for this long wouldn't they be a little emotional? Conner on the other hand sensing that we were really leaving them started bawling and was squirming to get back to Stef and I handed him back. Well it was nice while it lasted. Hopefully he warms up too me, I don't want him to be just Stef's kid.

"It's ok honey." she said kissing his head.

"Lets go find a home?" she asked and he nodded. Even though he's lived with them for that long and got upset leaving them he got over it pretty quickly. I don't think any of them really spent time with him.

"So how do you know about these cycle things?" I asked trying to figure out what street we were on too figure out which way is home.

"I was in my dad's for who knows how long, it was weird" she said.

"How?" I asked playing peek a boo with Conner who giggled happily. Stef shrugged in response.

"I don't know he couldn't see me. He was stuck in 1978." she said finding the direction of home and grabbing my hand poofed us too in front of our house. Well that's easier than walking 4 miles. I still haven't learned how to teleport myself but i think you don't have to think much for it work. The first time Stef did it she did it accidentally because she was worried about Mariana.

"1978?" I asked and she nodded.

"Ok I don't know what's going to happen. This could be either of our cycles or both hopefully but we will still be separated. It's all mental, if it's yours remember it's not real and hopefully we can outsmart it" she said and I nodded not sure how hard this will be.

Stef

I turned around and kissed her not sure what is going to happen. This is could be bad. My worry is about Conner through. There's no way this is his loop and what if we can't outsmart it. He will be by himself.

"I love you" I said and she smiled at me.

"I love you too, now lets do this." She said grabbing my hand. We walked through the door and everything was how it used to be.

"Hey babe" Lena said in the kitchen like she always used to do. Conner wasn't in my arms anymore, Lena wasn't holding my hand.

'It's not real' I told myself. 'Lenas holding my hand and Conner is in my arms' I said and repeated it over and over again.

"Babe what's wrong? Bad day at work?" the illusion of Lena asked and I closed my eyes hoping it will be easier to shut out if my eyes are closed.

Lena

I step into the house and saw the kids sitting at the table eating supper with me and Stef. They were teasing each other like they normally do and it was so hard to remind myself it was fake.

Stef grabbed my hand under the table and it felt so real.

'It's an illusion' i told myself trying to focus on Stef and Conner but the longer I sit there the harder it was too picture what Conner even looked like.

Stef

"Conner" I screamed out running through the house begging myself too see the little boy.

"Stef what's going on?" Lena asked and I tried to ignore her.

"Connor I want too see Conner" I screamed and still nothing happened.

"Connor is my son! You guys are not real" I shouted and closed my eyes shut. The scene disappeared and Conner was back in my arms like he was never out of them.

"Mommy what's wrong" he said as I sat on the floor and started crying. I felt a hand on my back and I jumped and turned around real quickly. Lena stood their tears in her eyes too.

"It's ok" she said hugging me and the original scene came back. The kids all sat on the couch watching a movie.

"I love you" I said kissing her.

"I love you too" she said and I got up picking Conner up with me.

Lena

I sat at the table with everyone eating and joking around me and couldn't shake the feeling that their is something I should be doing. It felt like a dream but I just shook my head and choose to ignore it. Maybe it's just something for work I will deal with it tomorrow, i told myself as I enjoyed being around my family.

**Ok i'm proud of myself actually. This appears to be a happy ending but it's actually really sad if you really get what happened. Message me if you don't and i will explain how this is actually a really depressing chapter. Also I decided I will give you an alternate ending since you tolerated my writer brain going crazy. That will the next chapter, so only one chapter left.**


	15. Chapter 15 alt ending 2 (Just a dream)

**Alternate Ending 2- Just a dream**

**This is set as a replacement chapter 11 so this goes after chapter 1-10.**

Lena

The beeping from Stefs heart monitor brought me out of the nightmare. Tears were already running down my face and I went over to her. I brushed the hair from her face and kissed her forehead.

"I love you" I said grabbing her hand.

"Love you too" she attempted to say but the oxygen mask muffled her words. The sound of her voice brought more tears to my eyes from the excitement of knowing she's awake.

"Oh don't cry" she said taking the oxygen mask off but I shook my head.

"No don't" I said not wanting her to take it off. She needs it.

"I'm fine, love." she said but I gave her my look and she put it back on.

"No you're not you were shot" I said and she laughed and looked in pain.

"It's just a flesh wound" she said taking it off just long enough to speak and putting it back on.

"You're not funny. You need to live" I said and she gave me a weird look.

"Honey i'm going to be fine" she said and then put it back on knowing I won't have it.

"You don't know that. You can't die, _that_ can't happen" I said thinking back on the dream and she caught on that I was talking about something else.

"Love, what are you talking about?" she asked.

"I had a dream that you died." I said and she gave me a weird look before pulling off the mask.

"God what did I do too you?" she asked and I rolled my eyes.

"Stop it. I'm serious it was terrible" I said and she smiled.

"Stef?"  
>"What? I died I'm glad you're not happy about it" she said and I shook my head.<p>

"You're terrible. I love you" I said going to kiss her cheek but she pulled the mask off quick enough and moved her head so I would kiss her on the lips. I let the kiss linger for a second before pulling away.

"Mask back on" I said and she groaned but did it anyways.

"You good?" she asked me wiping the tears away and I nodded.

"Good because you ruined my plan" she said and I gave her a weird look.

"What plan?" I asked.

"I love you but could you please stop talking for a bit" she said and I nodded.

"Lena Elizabeth Adams, I have loved you since the first time I saw you. Can you please make me the luckiest woman alive, even through your subconscious just killed me off, and marry me?" she said and tears came to my eyes. I completely forgot about that argument because everything that just happened.

"I thought you would never ask" I said and she rolled her eyes.

"You're pushing your luck, Lena Adams" she said sounding a little winded.

"Of course I want to marry you, I would be crazy not too" I said kissing her quickly and put the oxygen mask back on her. I watched as she drifted off to sleep glad to know that she's ok and that we are finally engaged.

**Just a short ending but thought I would write it as one of the endings. This story is going to have multiple endings, i'm not sure how many yet but there will be at least one more. The first one is still my favorite, probably won't be able to top it.**


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